Why do Families Hate Their Scapegoats.

Surviving a dysfunctional family.

Photo by Edward Howell on Unsplash

Most families are dysfunctional to some level. Most honest people acknowledge that. But some dysfunctionality gets to the point where a family member is seriously damaged. Sometimes they are traumatised and broken to a dramatic extent.

Family structures

I remember when I was taking my family therapy training, the systemic family structure was explained using a baby’s mobile metaphor. Every family member is somewhere along the various arms of the mobile, which hangs from a central point. If everyone stays in their place, the family continues to survive unchallenged. The individual’s needs may or may not be met, but the family structure holds steady. But if someone is unwell because of the family system, if their role is to take the burden and blame for the family’s dysfunction, and they choose to break the status quo, they are suddenly a threat to everyone else. This one individual is sacrificed upon the altar of family unity, and everyone else will uphold this narrative so they can maintain their own place in this hierarchy. Until the individual rebels!

The scapegoat

This family role is called various things: the chosen child, the scapegoat, the underdog, the whipping boy. Basically, this means they are blamed for or take…