How I Found Myself in the Wake of My Mom’s Death

It was early morning that day. The sky was still dark when I heard muffled crying. I kept my eyes firmly closed. I had this horrible feeling deep in my gut, but I did not want to face any of it just yet. I heard more people scurry into the room, and on cue, more cries emerged. I knew I could not escape this scene any longer. I opened my eyes.

To the left side of the bed laid my mom, all thin and frail. I felt cold. But just as sudden as that feeling came a deep fiery warmth that enveloped my chest. I was taken aback by this and frantically asked my younger brother for a glass of water. I drank the water down and the warmth slowly subsided. That was the moment I knew she was truly gone.

My mom bravely fought and lost a long and painful battle with breast cancer. “You don’t know what you have until you lose it”, oh you don’t know how much these words ring true. She was my role model and my best friend. She has always been there for me, and even in her dying days I delusionally thought she would always be there for me.

With her sickness and death came a 180° shift in my life. My mom was without a doubt a big part of who I am, a big part of all my decisions, big and small. I am a middle child and a very indecisive kid. I asked my mom about her opinions on everything, from ‘should I put a comma here’ to ‘what course…