Happiness

Do we really understand what happiness means and how to make it last? Many of us really do believe that if our relationships were better, if we obtained more possessions, had less pain in our lives such as less depression, anxiety, frustration or anger, that somehow we would feel and be happier. The conflict here is that the more we believe this and the more we search for contentmentthis way, the less happier we will feel. The very ways in which we strive for peace and happiness is exactly what drives us from it. The resistance of unhappiness and the clinging and grasping to happiness, keeps us stuck in the exact place in which we’d like to leave.

One cannot hold on to happiness states while thinking pain and struggle can be pushed aside. We will feel angry, anxious, sad, frustrated and rejected many times in our lives. We will experience loss and fear as well as many other emotions and experiences that bring dissatisfaction and unhappiness. It will all be there just as joy, love and fulfillment will as well. If we truly want happiness to last, one must allow for and open up to displeasurable states of mind.

The real key here is that when unpleasant experiences arise, we must learn to become aware of how we allow our ego to take over. We tend to make all difficulties be about us. Think about it. One usually goes right to self pity, or asks the questions of “ why me?” or “how can this be happening to me?” When we feel hurt or unhappy for any reason, isn’t it true that we become somewhat self centered and self absorbed? Isn’t it true that we view ourselves as the victim when we react or respond to experiences or situations that hurt us? We are conditioned to respond to injury by making it all about us.

In the practice of mindfulness, we learn to become a witness or observer to what occurs when we are in pain. If one is able to move away from ego based thinking and can learn to tolerate all that life hands us without making it about “the self”, this is when lasting happiness will always win. It is never about pushing away anything or ever becoming attached to the outcome, but more about complete acceptance. When one accepts that they will feel happy and unhappy over and over again and lets go of self absorption, then ones’s heart is free to forever be happy, open, centered and at peace.