How I deflected burnout and became a happier person, part 1
… and you can, too, if you follow me on my journey to a happier life. This is a four-part series and I’m hoping my story inspires you to also make a change in your life, or at least give some inspiration.
I can’t even say anymore what happened or when it happened exactly, but I knew I couldn’t go on like that. I was always a person that used to worry about each and everything, and it wasn’t any different this time, it must have been around 2018. Slowly, but steadily, an indistinct feeling emerged in me, a certain discontent, a lurking sensation, which I couldn’t construe at this time, it just kept spinning my thoughts what all could go wrong in the future, how I should handle this or that situation, or how we – my team and me – should ever finish all tasks in time. And this whole rat race kept going on and on with no way to escape.
I’m working as a product manager, which itself can be a tough job with all the uncertainty and deadlines to stick to. Additionally, I’m also the leader of a whole team of outstanding people – a big and a very fulfilling responsibility, but also very mentally draining at times. Somewhere in all of that there must have been the root of all my problems …
Me and my pain (body)
I even wondered if this was how depression felt, if burnout lurked around the corner and if I should see a psychologist. At night, after I successfully numbed my conscience with Netflix, I was even afraid to go to bed, as I knew that I needed to get up next morning again. The feeling didn’t go away either when I woke up in the morning – and actually leaving bed was rather painful at times.
Working itself was better, as I had something to do that kept me busy, while I knew, deep in my heart, that this was the root cause of my pain. I also felt better when I could spend the evenings with my son; he always seemed to have a calming effect on me, being with him almost felt like a drug.
It was apparent to me, that I had an issue, I just didn’t know what to do. Sometimes, I wished to pack it all in, live alone in a cabin in the mountains, and be done with civilization. This wasn’t an option, unfortunately, with a family. Neither was mediation. I tried it, even did it regularly and it seemed to make a difference, it just didn’t, I just kept telling myself. I just wasn’t ready for this spiritual practice yet.
A gateway drug
Eventually, it must have been around 2018 when reading some pieces on Medium. I wasn’t actively looking for advice to deal with my problems, but universe seemed to have compassion with me and let me discover the book You Are a Badass from Jane Sincero. It was some kind of a gateway drug to the world of spirituality – and I still think it’s a great guide. Go, read it, seriously! It can be quite „high-level“ at times and you must have a certain belief that there is „something more“ out there, but it shows you certain concepts that can make a difference.
Although I now know that this book didn’t have the deep meaning I was looking for, that this was’t the straw I could cling to. But it gave me something, that was the matchstick for my spiritual “career”: The Resources at the end, foremost the Books section. So much wisdom, so much more to read and dive in, so much more “mature” stuff.
A stepstone
The book that enabled me to enter the next level of spirituality was The Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz. If you take a look at these “agreements,” they don’t seen to be very spiritual, as they can be seen as general traits to become a better person. They are:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
But as Don Miguel delves into each principle in a separate chapter, they gave me so much more and sparked something in me. Besides, he talks about a lot more, for example, the supreme principle of all salvation, living in the moment.
Similarly, I should only understand much, much later that the fourth principle is actually the most important one, not only in this book but generally in life. But it’s too early for that yet, please keep reading on, you will see later.
The master
The next book I picked was from the master himself, Eckart Tolle, yeah, you guessed it, The Power of Now. The bible of enlightenment, the eye-opener, the ultimate guide. I can remember vividly, lying in my bed, reading for the first time about my thoughts, that there is a second dimension, the thought (the mind), and the thinker (the person behind it). I almost couldn’t believe what I just read, but it made so much sense and described perfectly what’s going on in my, in everybody’s head, and what I, and most people around me, are not even remotely aware of.
I’m not my thoughts, I’m the observer, thinking these thoughts. Or, as Eckart himself puts it:
“We are the formless consciousness behind all that, what can’t be defined, there are no concepts for it.”
Every bit as important for me was the realization that to stop thinking, all I needed to do was to stay in the present moment. The best way to achieve that, I found out, is by focusing on my breath. I know, sounds easier than done, but it planted a seed in me, that should only grow much later.
This was part 1 of my four-part-series, that shows my way to enlightment and which books, concepts and practices helped me to become a happier, more fulfilled and calmer person. See you next time, when I tell you how I rediscovered meditation, that it finally started to make sense and which other books helped me become a person much stronger mentally.
If you don’t want to wait for next week, you can read the full story here.
