I’m Not Sorry

Putting “un-apologizing” into daily practice

Are you a compulsive apologizer?

I am.

I realized it one day when I was composing a message to my weekly newsletter subscribers. I was all set to start the message with a big apology for skipping the previous week. I was racking my brain on how I could briefly put into words what kept me from my message to them. Just as I was about to type “I’m so sorry…” I stopped. Because you know what?

I’m not sorry.

“I’m sorry” is so overused out of context that it’s diluted to the point of insignificance… and that’s pretty sad.

If you are anything like me, I bet you apologize all the time and most of the time an apology is not even necessary. I even apologize for other people. I’ve even apologized for people when they should be apologizing to me!

The truth is, we apologize to feel better.

We apologize so someone else will say “it’s ok”… or that we’re ok. Think of how many voicemails or emails you’ve started with “I’m sorry.” It makes perfect sense to apologize when you’ve done something wrong or when your actions negatively impact someone. It makes no sense to apologize for being who you are, for your feelings, and/or for handling your business.

It is a fine line, though.

Especially when you’ve gotten in the habit of constantly saying “I’m sorry” all the time.

I am sorry that I did not publish that weekly message. However, I am not sorry for taking care of the business that I needed to attend to that caused me to skip it.

So did I really need to apologize?

Were my subscribers physically or emotionally hurt by the missing message? Did the lack of message cause a major disruption in their personal or professional lives? While they could have pretended to be utterly devastated that they did not get an email from me that week, in the grand scheme of things, the answer is… um… no, not really.

I’m adding “un-apologizing” to the things I want to put into daily practice.

This is not to say I will never be sorry for anything. I’m just going to be clear on what I am sorry for before I say it.

I will apologize for hurting your feelings.
I will apologize if I make a mistake.

I will not apologize for being a busy mom.
I will not apologize for crying when I’m upset.

See the difference?