Don’t call me a role model
Don’t call me a role model
“Don’t call me a role model. Why are you modelling your life based on mine? Why are you giving me a role in your life and I don’t even know you? Do you know me?”
To some this may seem quite harsh. But we need to start asking ourselves honest questions and look at the people we call “role models”. A lot of people in this world are labelled as role models, but don’t have the qualifications for the job role you’re giving them in your life.
A lot of people don’t like being labelled as a ‘role model’ because with the label comes responsibility. Because you are ‘x’, you now have a duty of care to your audience, or to the people who look up to you, or to the people who follow you on social media. You must carry yourself in a certain way or speak in a certain tone. You shouldn’t do this or you can’t do that. But why?
What is a role model? To me a role model is someone who has knowledge and qualities that can support the growth of my identity in a positive way, adding value to different aspects of my life. A lot of people view a role model as an example of the person they should be. When I was young, I wanted to be a footballer. I would idolise the likes of Thierry Henry and the Brazilian Ronaldo. I even got the same haircut as Ronaldo did in the 2002 World Cup. Thankfully, no pictures were saved of that terrible decision.
“I’m just trying to live my life the way I want to live it. But now people look up to me as this example of who they should be”.
Who is a role model? We live in a generation where mental health is gradually becoming less of a taboo subject. The traditional stigmas attached to discussing mental health are slowly being broken down. Mental health means a lot to me because for a large portion of my life, I did not know who I was or what my purpose in life was. This affected my mental health for years until I started reflecting inwards and strengthening my faith in God. A lot of people in this world still don’t realise how their mental health affects them or those around them. I like to be open about my mental health because I know a lot of people can resonate with my experiences, finding inspiration in my journey and growth to date. Being a role model can really affect your mental health at times.
Son following the footsteps of his Father
Traditionally, African fathers are often perceived as the head of the house. The leaders in their family. However, a lot of this is deeply rooted in traditional patriarchal models of the family, pride, and narcissism. As men, we often find it difficult to view our fathers as role models. Growing up I would see the different ways in which experiences in life affected my father’s mental health. But he would often bottle up his emotions and not speak to anyone about it. I didn’t see my father as a role model because he embodied everything that I did not want to be in life. The pressures of subscribing to masculinity and what society says a man should be was something I did and still do not conform to.
Boyfriend aspiring to be a Husband/Father
The transition from a boyfriend to a Husband/Father is one that is not often spoken about enough, particularly from a mental health perspective. As men, we make far too many excuses for our poor behaviours because we fear responsibility and lack the strength to be vulnerable. A lot of us blame everyone apart from ourselves. We need to look inwards at ourselves, particularly when we are dating or in relationships. We often expect a lot from the women we meet or become involved with, but why do we expect so little from ourselves?
Why do we not have aspirations of being a husband with principles or a father with values? One day I want to be a husband to a lovely woman and a father to beautiful children. However, I know these roles will affect my mental health. Through certain dating and relationship experiences, I have realised that it is not about aspiring to be the perfect boyfriend or role model. It is about appreciating the importance of growing, refining yourself through experiences in life so that you can be the most authentic real model you can be.
First born child seen as a role model for your siblings
Although it comes with its perks, being the first-born child in the family often comes with several responsibilities and the label of ‘role model’. Aunties and uncles would often call in and say that I am the role model to my sisters. It also comes with a lot of pressure and places strains on your mental health. I have my flaws and I have my qualities. But what I am first and foremost is myself. I don’t want my sisters to see me as a role model because of my age. I want them to see me as a ‘real’ model because of the way I define my identity for what I want it to be and live my life for how I want to live it.
To some, I may be viewed as a role model or an example of what a person should be. But please don’t aspire to be like me. Aspire to be your authentic self and refine your identify in positive ways as you go through this journey called life.
Brian Kapuku is a Contributing Writer for MindMapperUK.
MindMapper UK and DigInBox are bringing you, The Festival You Didn’t Know You Needed on October 8th: https://www.medayfestival.com/
