Why is trauma porn trending?
On the 16th of February 2020, I felt compelled to write a tribute to Caroline Flack on my personal blog Stop The World. Why? Well, in my own words ‘I, like many others, did not know Caroline Flack. I was an Instagram follower, a brief Love Island fan and just someone who saw a pretty woman on TV and thought — ‘she seems nice’.
To me, she was a woman who I could see on the telly and think: ‘yeah, you’re enjoying life — that’s what I want to do’. When things started heading south for her, I kept an eye on her Insta, on the papers, and on the clickbait like everyone else. When she took her own life, I was shocked because days earlier she’d posted on Instagram.
I kind of remember posting on Instagram when I had suicidal thoughts, and I was pushing them to the back of my mind. We all make those ‘I’m okay, don’t worry about me’ posts from time to time because it’s too painful to actually share what’s really going on in our own minds.
Luckily for me, I hadn’t been made to feel so isolated and helpless like Caroline and my support network pulled me out of that space.
When the news broke — I was shook. I cried, and I didn’t know what to do with myself for a few days. I didn’t know her, but I grieved for her as if I’d lost an extended family member or a distant friend from school. Caroline had a way of letting us all feel like we knew her.
One of my first thoughts was with her friends and family, her ex-boyfriends, and the people that had shared insta banter and took selfies with her. I couldn’t help but think — how are they feeling right now?
To reflect on Joy’s post on Monday, I was indulging in some major trauma porn. I was going through the Twitter comments, the tributes on various news outlets, and waiting to see what they would do on Love Island. I was desperate to know the ins and outs of Caroline’s life and how she could reach this terrible conclusion. Furthermore, I wanted to see how people would grieve and that is a pretty sick thought in itself.
I was addicted to the newsfeed — it was an unhealthy habit that I didn’t kick at the time.
A year to the day since Caroline died, and it all started again. An old colleague and a mutual acquaintance between myself and Caroline started posting frequently on Instagram condemning those who ‘killed her’. Her ‘so-called friends’ he said, her management and her support system. He condemned each one of them, and you could hear the pain in his voice. I watched and worried about him because I could tell that his grief for her was so raw and painful, and I couldn’t help but reach out to mutual friends and ask do you think he’s okay?.
It turns out he was arrested for some of the things he said, and he’s back on Insta now. It’s not very hard to find him as he’s carrying on his campaign to try and challenge the media. I kinda support him in that.
Trauma porn is splashed out on social media, news outlets, and everywhere we go. We all have this inbuilt morbid curiosity that means we need to know every detail of a person’s demise and sadly, the intimate details of their death. On the week of the anniversary of Caroline Flack’s death, there was a documentary about her. I decided not to watch it because I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to do so.
However, the question must be asked — why do we indulge in trauma porn? Why does the media insist we know every single detail of someone’s death? It trends, and it sells — that’s why.
The city of Liverpool took a stance against The Sun newspaper in 1989 after they decided to publish ‘The Truth’ about the Hillsborough disaster where 96 football fans lost their lives. It is thought to be one of the most successful boycotts in the history of the media.
The ‘truth’ in itself is a very problematic term coming from a tabloid newspaper who often sensationalise, spin facts, and put their focus on the juiciest details.
Let me come back to my original point. Why did I feel so much for Caroline when I didn’t know her?
1. She was a young woman who was made to live her life in the spotlight, whether she liked it or not.
2. She appeared not to give a fuck and that’s something that we all wish we did more of. Clearly, in the end, she did and let those critical voices in her head win over against the ones that loved and supported her.
3. She could have so easily been anyone of us. A successful woman who has been opened up to criticism time and time again — where have I heard that before? Every. Single. Day.
Caroline posted on Instagram a quote: ‘in a world where you can be anything be kind’. This year has seen a lot of kindness, but also a lot of selfishness, a lot of criticism, and a lot of struggles.
Therefore, I leave you with my own piece of advice:
- Don’t indulge in the people who would share your trauma for their own gossip or enjoyment.
- Feel what you need to feel and don’t feel ashamed to reach out and say when it’s too much.
- If you don’t want to watch a documentary on a traumatic event, don’t feel like you have to. The media relies on things that are ‘trending’ and profits of that. Don’t let them profit from your hurt.
Finally, remember who is here for you and choose to platform those voices in your mind, heart, and on your newsfeeds. We are a very fickle society and having a stable set of voices that you trust, and can listen to is so important.
Look after yourselves - get that trending.
Love always,
Lauren x
Lauren Gillett is a writer for MindMapper.
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