Repression Horizon
Where do I keep
Fears and trauma so deep?
Fight them?
— Channel them outwards!
Shall I not explode?
Smite them?
— Fake assurances!
Shall I not explode?
Hide them?
— Push them inwards!
Shall I not implode?
Yes. Let me hide them
Somewhere in the mind’s keep
My fears, my trauma — so deep!
But can I hold them?
Let me be a massive star.
Expand till I can stretch no more.
Dull red mass that spreads far.
Engulfs all in its path, and some more.
Filled with matter that
— Formed me,
— Shaped me,
— Tinted me, and
— Gave me
All these weights that I can carry no more!
Let me then collapse onto myself.
Collapse till I can squeeze no more.
Dull red mass of implosive tear.
Pull in. Smash everything to the core!
Closer and denser to
— Tighten me,
— Compress me,
— Condense me, and
— Reduce me
Till I collapse and can hold no more!
At that moment, let me be unable
To resist my own internal pressure!
Let me become a black hole!
There, engulf all the sore.
There, beyond the event horizon, I shall
Rest all my pain,
All the trauma,
All the abuse,
As they collapse into a singularity.
And, then,
Let me be something new again.
