Friendship
Rich Friend, Poor Friend
“I played by all the rules! Why didn’t you tell me there weren’t any rules? It’s not fair!” — Grace Hanson (Grace and Frankie/Netflix)
She is my Frankie and I am her Grace. Together, we are unstoppable. But there’s a lesson my best friend has taught me along the way that is hard to digest.
Life isn’t fair. And the way our society is set up makes it nearly impossible for those who struggle financially to succeed.
If you would’ve told me I was going to say this even three years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you.
I wasn’t a bad person. I volunteered and did everything I thought I should do to give back. But it’s a whole different ballgame when you learn it from the inside out.
My best friend and I come from two completely different worlds.
I am financially blessed; she struggles.
And when it comes to how our lives have panned out, it’s simply not fair.
That’s something I didn’t understand on a personal level until she so greatly impacted my life.
In her words: “It’s a core belief in America: If you’re a smart person who gets an education and works hard, you’ll do well .… That’s not true and it’s a harmful belief.”
Boy, was I living in a dream world.
I never believed the divide was so insurmountable until I met my best friend.
Shame on me.
To say we are different is more than an understatement. Our life perspectives are like night and day because of the differences in our financial upbringings and where that has taken us on our journeys.
I grew up spending almost every summer day at a country club with other kids who had influential parents. My best friend grew up in a trailer.
I never had to worry about how my education would be paid for. My best friend had to think about every penny.
I’ve never had to worry about connections because I’ve been networking my whole life. My best friend never got the chance to network outside of journalism because she was raising two children, ended up divorced by what I believe was no fault of her own, and had to dig her way out of a deep financial trench.
She worked her ass off, but it wasn’t enough.
That’s the case for many. Add the current state of inflation to the deck of cards and you have a disaster on your hands.
“The American Dream” doesn’t come to fruition for a lot of people. How could it? Nothing is affordable, and when you have medical bills, food and children to pay for, you are going to get lost like a needle in a haystack.
No, Most People Are Not Lazy.
Many will argue that laziness contributes to the inability to get ahead. I was once one of those people and I’m ashamed to admit it.
Sure, there are lazy people out there. However, that’s not the case for the average American. If you’re not gifted in math and science, which is where the higher-earning jobs are, or incredibly good at networking, you just may be screwed.
Damn, that’s difficult to comprehend! I could kick myself in the ass for every single day I didn’t understand this concept. I was naïve, living in a dream world.
This Shouldn’t Be How Life Is.
You might be shaking your head saying, “That’s life. Life isn’t fair.”
If that’s your response, you are like I used to be. You simply don’t understand.
I, like many, volunteered my time to help. I gave back. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was. But I still didn’t understand.
Gone are the days when you can work your ass off and succeed. In the area where my friend lives, most of the well-respected former journalists (like her) have been canned. They work at banks, local magazines and even in the fast food industry.
They made a pittance in the first place, and all of their hard efforts to continue to bring you trusted news were squashed.
Obviously, it doesn’t stop there. Factory jobs have been outsourced. Minimum wage jobs offer no opportunity for realistic financial earnings. People have to work two and three jobs just to survive.
One day, I saw a billboard ad for a bus driver with a promise of excellent earnings. I had just had a long conversation with my friend about the state of earnings in this country, and it piqued my curiosity. I ran the numbers just to see what would happen if a person took that job.
The result brought tears to my eyes. Sure, they could live. But there would be no money left for rent so I’m not sure where that hard worker would sleep at night.
It feels unfair. It’s a guilt that I have to live with every single day. Society is set up to hold hard-working people back and help people like me move ahead.
And it’s weighing on my conscience.
I don’t know what the answer is. If I did, I would be in politics. But I know I stand here humbled with an open heart and an open mind.
Thank you, my friend, for changing my perspective. You have made me a better person.
Here’s to all the hard-working people out there who are struggling to get by. I see you. I hear you. And I hope more people like me get the message.
We need to do more to help.
