airport security
Homeland Security Prodded My Fiancé’s Giant Zucchini
I thought it was just for me
Homeland security met my fiancé Nick’s giant zucchini at the airport yesterday.
I never imagined anyone other than Nick or me would poke and prod at it. And I certainly didn’t plan on a public presentation. It was a private thing, meant for later.
But there are no boundaries when it comes to long, pointed objects that could be a threat on an airplane.
It all happened pretty innocently.
There we were at the checkpoint at the airport. My bag went through the scanner, 100 percent TSA approved. And then Nick’s backpack went through.
Definitely not approved.
Mr. TSA did one of those stop-and-stare things that they do when they are completely confused as to what someone’s trying to bring on a plane.
Could it be a threat?
Well, I don’t know. It was pretty large.
They backed the scanner up and cocked their heads for a long gaze at the object.
Definitely suspicious.
A very odd image showed up on the X-ray screen.
It looked like a cross between a bomb and a sex toy.
How embarrassing!
The TSA folks moved the scanner forward and backward to look at the suspicious object. And then did it two more times.
Slowly.
The zucchini appeared to be a danger to all. In fact, it was so dangerous that it called for a meet and greet.
There was wine, that’s for sure. Just a thorough examination.
“Excuse me, sir, can you step over here for a minute?” the very serious TSA dude said to Nick.
“Uh, sure,” Nick nervously responded.
Nick looks nervous all the time when we travel.
The reason is usually that I am running late. I’m the one who stops for a Diet Coke on the way to the airport.
But on this day, his nervousness was because of the great zucchini inquisition.
“Sir, what is that in your backpack?” the TSA guy matter-of-factly asked as he moved behind a separative security window as if Nick’s zucchini is diseased. “I need to take a look.”
Nick looked mortified.
I knew I was going to be in a lot of trouble later.
Oops.
The TSA guy put on gloves to examine the specimen. He very carefully opened the dangerous backpack.
There it was. In all its glory.
“Wait, is that a zucchini, sir?” he asked.
“Yes, yes it is,” Nick responded, looking terrified.
“I see,” the TSA dude said. “Have a safe flight.”
And indeed we did. That was one hell of a good zucchini. I steamed it for dinner last night in all its glory.
Here’s to the great zucchini inquisition! Sorry, Nick. Love you, babe.
Grin.
