Why You Should Never Eat Alone On Your Journey To Success
Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi is the best book on networking that I have come across. It expands on the principle of taking the time to connect with people you want to meet.
Taking a proactive approach to our success is something we’re all familiar with. When we want a job, we apply for it. When we want a raise, we put in the work to ask for it.
But when it comes to our social networks, we fall back on the tired “if it was meant to be” bullshit. You gotta get out there. When it comes to success, building the right relationships stands at top 3 most important factors. Not just professional relationships but personal as well.
Most entrepreneurs would agree that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around the most; that includes public figures that you may follow online.
We rationalize our lack of effort in this area because we all have social hangups. Emotional anxiety cripples us from taking the right action. We won’t approach the host of the event because “she looks busy”; when in reality, you’re too afraid to politely cut through conversation to introduce yourself.
Some might say that’s too aggressive; I say it gets the job done when done correctly.
*deliberate eye contact with a smile*
Me: Hey! So sorry for cutting you off there but I just wanted to say thank you for such a wonderful night.
Often we’re too passive about what we want out of life. We think if we just keep “doing”, somehow things will change. And if they don’t, we’ll blame our environment. It’s a vicious cycle. Maybe you didn’t get that raise because you haven’t built the proper relationship with the senior executives.
BE PROACTIVE ABOUT YOUR NETWORK
Unsuccessful people mistake “ass-kissing” with “rapport building” which hinders them from having the type of friends or social network they truly desire. If its professional, take the initiative to host after-work activities like poker, bar hopping, or a restaurant.
When it comes to promotions, executives not only choose the person with great technical skill, they also choose the person they like and enjoy working with. How can it not be the fun guy who hosts poker every month?
If you’re seeking higher quality personal relationships with friends or a significant other, then the same logic should be applied. Be proactive about finding and meeting people with similar passions and interests.
Thank God (or whatever you believe) that this advice is easier to follow in the 21st century. With the internet, you can find friends with similar interests (Meetup.com), meet local singles (Tinder), and build a massive professional network (Sharp).
There are zero excuses for eating alone. Define what your goals are in life and use Never Eat Alone as your guiding philosophy. At the end of the day, the quality of experience you have during your short time on earth is dependent on the self-love you harness within and the quality of people you have around you.
To develop your ideal social circle, it’s important you start to identify as a host, leader, or organizer. A lot of what takes place will have to happen by your own will. Start developing weekly activities you enjoy so you can invite the people you come across. Having something going on puts you in the seat of value because you’re offering a fun time (hopefully).
That being said, it’s also important to understand: NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU (OR SHOULD). In this world of 7 billion people, over 99% does not give a fuck about who you are…until you give them a reason to. I’m not religious but let’s just say I’m glad Jesus didn’t put “You have to like everybody and everybody has to like you” in the 10 commandments.
FOCUS ON THE FEW, NOT THE MANY
As you journey through building a social circle, you will inevitably meet people who like you and people who don’t. Focus only on people that WANT to engage with you. These are the people that are worth investing in because they want to invest in you!
I’ve spent a lot of time chasing women that didn’t want me and “friends” that didn’t care for me. Take my advice: if they don’t respond, they aren’t that into you. And that’s okay!
Networking is apart of the smart hustle. People who’ve mastered this area will never go broke. They have a seemingly endless supply of resources. Politicians are they grand example of hustling up a network.
They often have relationships in other sectors like law, healthcare, and business that gives them more power than they could develop on their own.
It’s often how businesses get started. Hustlers know how to connect supply with demand using their network. Even entrepreneurs must develop relationships with their manufacturer, wholesaler, and customers to run a successful business. Be consistent in building rapport and discovering potential angles to work.
LEAD CONTRIBUTION: THROW THE FIRST PUNCH
The fastest way to build a profitable relationship is to be the FIRST to provide someone with something they need. In any relationship, proactively look for ways you can benefit the other individual.
This is necessary to build a valuable reputation in your community or market. Humans are naturally distrusting of new people due to the overwhelming display of self-interest in early interactions.
This is why the door-to-door salesman job is so difficult. People KNOW at the start of the conversation that he wants something from them. So to counterbalance this natural instinct, our demeanor must be geared towards how we can help this individual.
It’s not always about what you have in hand, but what you have in mind. A joke can go a long way. One thing people want more than anything else is fun. If you’re confident in your sense of humor, this will serve you well.
Aside from telling a good joke; value can come in the form of connecting people with other people, organizing activities and events, being a good conversationalist, etc.. Benefit people’s lives before you ask for anything. In business, it’s practically law to offer free information before closing the sale.
In dating, a woman won’t sleep with you if she isn’t sure you can provide at least an equal exchange in value. For her, value comes in the form of humor, confidence, and comfort level. When it comes to networking: Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.
