Creating an Emotional Safe Space: Self Compassion, The Skill Needed for Self-Love
Our inner voice is the key to maintaining our emotional safe space. Once you learn how to be self-aware, control your emotions, and set boundaries you’ll have all the tools to create the emotional safe space you need. But to maintain it, you’ll need to learn self-compassion.
Before I begin, I’d like you to become aware of your inner voice or internal monologue. Ask yourself: what does my inner monologue sound like? What about when upset? frustrated? confused? overwhelmed? overjoyed?
Then stop yourself and ask; would I react that way if a friend was in the same situation?
That’s exactly what self-compassion is: treating yourself as your dearest friend especially in your darkest hour. In order to create that friend within me, I focused on a meditation exercise.
The exercise is as follows: Sit or lie comfortably, focusing primarily on your breathing, and your body’s comfort. Adjust accordingly. Whenever ready, close your eyes and picture a dark room or space with a single light leading you to a younger self. When ready speak to your younger self and converse with them. Throughout that conversation try your best to be the person your younger self needed. That’s how you learn self-compassion.
I started off by visiting my six-year-old self and spoke to her. I asked her about her life, and any questions she might have. In the moment I tried my best to answer her as honestly and as clearly as I could. I kept doing that until I felt like I established a healthy relationship with my six-year-old self. Then, I visited my thirteen-year-old self and I did the same thing. At first, I was slightly more hostile towards her because I never felt accepted at that age. So I worked from there and tried to rebuild that relationship with myself. I realized that I couldn’t dismiss who I was when I was younger. At the time, I reacted to the world the best way I knew how to, and unfortunately, it was slightly difficult for me to accept that now. But when I finally made peace with that, I moved on to my twenty-year-old self. And so on, and so forth.
That’s how I taught myself self-compassion. I sat with myself, all versions of me, and accepted myself for who I was. Throughout this mediation, I taught my internal monologue self-love, because you see self-compassion is self-love. It is also self-understanding, patience, and kindness. It is knowing that you did the best you could at the moment, and that’s okay.
“Better the self-talk, better the reality” — Ashwini Dodani
When you learn how to properly speak to yourself, there will be no need for sugarcoating. You’ll find that your mistakes, your reactions, every little thought is a starting point for growth. You’ll understand that everything you are doing, you’re doing at the best of your abilities. And that my friends, is self-love.
