Harambe’s Ghost: “Stop Talking About Me”
The article below was written by the ghost of Harambe, the ape from Cincinnati, who was killed after a child fell into his cage. The internet is ablaze with anger over the zoo’s handling of Harambe. Here, at last, is Harambe in his own words, unfiltered…
Note: Translated by Bobby James
Howsit, this Harambe ghost: oooooohhh!!!
Just kid. I not scary ghost like Gingerdead Man. Or friendly ghost like Gasper. Or even romantical ghost like Pat Swayze. Me just ghost, like hang around, stuff like that.
Harambe want to speak on blogosphere of Medium and put in two cents on Harambe issue. But before that I need say please stop talking about me.
I not even human but realize there more important things than Harambe. Like example, earthquake in Sumatra. I bet you no find Sumatra on map. Only know from coffee. Was it climate change cause? You don’t care because you only care about Harambe. You show co-worker you sensitive so she maybe sleep with you. You should be shamed.
And you country have tax haven in Delaware. Don’t that mad you? Why that not mad you? (ed note: edit out Delaware bit)
Okay, now that off chest.
To be honest, Harambe really really really want to eat kid. I mean, think bout it. I’m ape, he kid. He fall in cage. Why I not attack?
Now, I kid (kind of). Me no decide yet what to do with kid invader. But bullet decide for me. If Harambe have other chance, I throw shit instead to ward invader kid.
But let say I protect kid. You don’t know this. Let’s say zookeeper no react. I kill kid. You be sad. You write angry things on the Twitter. You hate Harambe. Harambe love to be loved. As they say I “critically” endangered. But I get extra fruit and much toys. I live in good life.
Even Jack Hannah say they do right thing. Jack Hannah! You know guy who have bird pee on John Carson. That Jack Hannah! You know he love the animal.
Be happy and care about other thing than Harambe. Leave Harambe lone.
You like what you read? Give me Follow or Recommend so we stop talk about Harambe
