Dear Connell Waldron, (Normal People)
An ode to one of my favorite fictional characters.
You went on a journey from being someone who is quiet, self-conscious and fears what other people think to become a better communicator and didn’t fail.
The thing that I resonated the most with you is the struggle of a person who doesn’t click with a lot of people, and even if they do, fails to be a better conversationalist. I saw fragments of myself in you and instantly associated you with a kindred spirit, like when you said,
“I barely know what to say half the time. I feel like I am walking around trying on a hundred different versions of myself.”
I exactly knew this feeling. In high school, you were popular and desired to be socially accepted, which caused you to do things against your heart, including how badly you treated Marianne and never asked her to the Debs.
“Lately, he’s consumed by a sense that he is, in fact, two separate people, and soon he will have to choose which person to be on a full-time basis, and leave the other person behind.”- Sally Rooney, Normal People.
Connell, you went to Dublin thinking about being at the top of the social pyramid, but somehow, your and Marianne’s identities swapped, and you realized how silly some of your choices were in the past. In the process of maturing, you faced challenges maintaining a real relationship with Marianne, and you both kept pushing each other for a while. Still, at the same time, you never stopped treating her with respect, kindness, love, and being protective towards her.
Connell, I wish no person in this world faces the tough time you faced. When you felt guilty about Rob’s death, I did question my friendship. Do I often text my friends, “How are you?” Or am I the one who takes the initiative and calls them once a week for at least five minutes? No.
“I can’t connect this life and that life. It just doesn’t fit.”- Connell Waldron, Normal People.
Connell, you taught me that sometimes it is okay to be lost among people, it is okay if I don’t share my thoughts and feelings, it is okay if my hands are shaking while giving a presentation on Morte Darthur, and there is no shame in seeking professional help to cope with anxiety and depression because we all are human beings. Healing needs time, and we should not rush. With time, your and Marianne’s efforts showed colors. Both of you began to understand each other. You both have done a lot of good for each other. At the end of the day, it’s not like this with other people.
I hope you are doing well in New York.
Love always,
Boronia
