Dear Diary,
What would I do without you?
Dear Diary,
One morning, I walked down the lane, fighting back tears as my heart was too heavy with emotions. Just into college and having been an introvert all my life, I was struggling to make friends. I did find a couple of them, yet I was too scared to get any closer because I was scared to let my fragile heartbreak. An over-sensitive by nature, even a slight change in the tone of voice triggered me and hurt me. I struggled to be part of a wonderful group I had found, like a wrong piece trying to fit in a jigsaw puzzle. Waves of helplessness gushed over me. At the precise moment, 11:11 a.m., when I was questioning my existence, my eyes fell on you, and an instant relief passed over me. Like I had found a silver lining in my dark cloud.
Without really knowing what I was thinking, I entered the shop and walked right past the owner, who tried to greet me with a smile. I ignored her, and she looked puzzled. I could feel her eyes on me as I reached over the counter and finally held you in my hands. I felt a strange sense of warmth, like I was holding a baby — a leather-bound brown colour little diary. Without any second thoughts, I instantly made you mine. I placed you in the inner pouch of my bag, scared of any damage that could behalf you, and I hurriedly made my way to my room.
Having reached home, I placed my bag on the bed and took you out of my bag. Keeping you on the table, I took my pen out and started pouring my heart out to you. Initially, I didn’t know what I wanted to write, but once I started, it was hard for me to stop. My heart instantly felt light.
You were as light as a feather but strong like a pillar. For you had been holding all my emotions. At times I feel guilty of burdening. Some days I fear being separated from you. Some days, I have nightmares of you being a Horcrux, feeding on my feelings. That is my whole problem. My insecurities light up with the slightest hint of closeness. But with time, I have grown to trust you with all my heart. Every word smeared across your page relieves my heart of one ounce of burden. I shed; you gain. But you hold it inside you with sheer strength, staying hidden from the world’s eye, which my heart, alas, doesn’t have the courage to do so.
I feel lighter and happier nowadays, I talk more and share more, and most importantly, I feel more. I let emotions hit me, joy or sorrow, for I know I can count on you. Some days, I feel bad for you, like I have been taking you for granted. I fly around while you sit in a dark corner, with nobody around and holding my deepest secrets. I feel it is too much on you. Those days, I let my mind process and don’t write. Everybody needs a break.
Now you have run out of pages, and I have to get a new you. I have no choice but trust me it won’t be the same. I have to make things work with the new one because life has to move on, but remember that your place in my heart is irreplaceable. Without you, that place is just void. Thanks for existing and making me better. You are my knight not in shining armor but in charming leather.
From,
The girl for whom you are the love of her life
