Dear Gin
Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light
I was never into anime movies. Not that I dislike or have something against anime movies, but I didn’t get to watch movies of this genre somehow. I once saw the movie — Grave of the fireflies. That was my first anime to watch. After that, there was a large gap until yesterday. Yesterday, I came across a post concerning an anime movie. What attracted me the most was the words used there.
You can fall. Fall hard. For a soul you are not allowed to touch.
Those sentences hit me so hard. Those heavy words left me thinking for hours. If a person could write so profound about a movie, I wondered how heart touching the movie would be. I needed to watch that movie at any cost. So, on the same day I watched the movie — Hotarubi no Mori e (Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light) and got to know you, Gin.
I have really lost my words after watching the movie. I didn’t know what to say. I had an emotional breakthrough. After getting over it, all I wanted to ask you, Gin, why did you do that? Why did you have to leave Hotaru so soon? What you and Hotaru had was beyond the world. You were so much in love with Hotaru as she was with you. You could have lived for years after years. You could have more time with Hotaru. I couldn’t be able to accept this.
Everything started clicking after a while. What’s the point of living if one can’t be with the person he loves? What’s the point of living if one can not touch the person he loves? The touch from the loved ones is as important as the air to breathe. Gin, now I get the pain you were going through. The thought of not being with Hotaru, not being able to touch and hug her, was starting to become unbearable for you. You knew that Hotaru would never ever hug you. Similarly, she would never let you hug her because she knew about the curse. She couldn’t let you vanish away even if her life was dependent on it.
I bet it was your plan all along. It can’t be an accident. You were always so careful with Hotaru ever since you came across a human. But this time, you wanted to die. Because you understood that not dying is much different from staying alive. What’s life when you can’t stay with the person you love! You wanted to have one last beautiful moment before you went away. You made sure to get one hug before you left forever. Grabbing that random child’s arm was on purpose. This was your only way to be able to hold Hotaru in your arms so that she won’t feel guilty for hugging you and making you vanish forever. You have figured out that you would instead hug the one you truly love, even if it’s just for a very brief second than continue living a life without her for an eternity.
All you wanted was to hold Hotaru and all Hotaru wanted was to be held by you. Neither of you wanted to be apart, but you both knew that one day time would separate you anyways.
That’s why Hotaru said once:
Time might separate us some day. But, even still, until then, let’s stay together.
Forbidden Love. Loving someone, knowing you won’t be able to be with is the hardest thing to do. You couldn’t be with Hotaru despite loving her so much. You knew that it wasn’t possible to be with her ever. So the next best thing to do, is to hug her even if it is the last thing to do. You chose right, Gin. Your dream came true. You did hold her once before you vanished away into the air forming fireflies.
I probably won’t be able to look forward to summer for a long time. My chest will hurt. My tears will be overflowing. But this warmth in my hands and these summer memories will live on in my heart.
You left. Hotaru got to live through her life without you, with your memories and warmth. Summers wouldn’t be like before. Her life wouldn’t be the same ever. But you both got what you had yearned for at last, and that did matter the most.
Your story left me into tears. You did fall. Fell hard for Hotaru. You left touching her soul in the end. I hope you find your peace, Gin.
Love,
Your true votary
