53 Thoughts That Have Just Passed Through My Head
Noting the pointless negative chit-chat on my internal monologue
Sep 9, 2018 · 3 min read

I’m amazed that I lived with the belief that my internal monologue was speaking the truth to me for so long. No wonder I started to loose all sense of myself and the world.
I’m happy that now, while it still runs on overdrive, I now know not to get too involved with it.
Here is a snippet from the last 5 minutes:
- I’m not productive enough.
- I could go for a run
- It looks too windy, I’ll go tomorrow.
- I’ll write something.
- I’ll just check my phone first.
- Crap, I just saw something about my ex. Now I feel stressed.
- I shouldn’t be single
- I’m too old to be single
- Maybe I need to get used to being alone.
- Shit, I’m single.
- I’m spending too much time by myself.
- I feel guilty for not going for a run.
- I‘m overweight.
- What am I doing with my life?
- I’m not doing enough
- Maybe I can be an artist
- Am I already an artist?
- Ha, a failure more like
- What have you really achieved?
- Am I a writer?
- I feel like a writer?
- What makes you think you are a writer?
- I’m not qualified enough
- I’m too old
- I’m too young
- I studied the wrong subject at university
- I should have started doing that when I was 15
- It’s too late
- The world’s fucked anyway
- Fuck, the world is so fucked.
- I’m so angry with people who drink out of plastic bottles.
- Why are people so selfish?
- Wow, why am I so judgemental.
- I’m such a hypocrite.
- I’m wasting my life.
- Nobody understands what I’m trying to do anyway.
- What are you trying to do??
- I’m just pretending to have a clue about life.
- Everybody thinks that I’m useless
- I’m never going to be at peace with myself
- I’m so stupid
- I should be having sex more
- Everyone else is having sex all the time
- I’ve been watching too much Netflix.
- I’ve been pretending I haven’t been watching too much Netflix.
- I should delete Netflix.
- I’ll delete it soon.
- I’ll check my phone again.
- What’s happening on Instagram, 2 likes and friend request from “win80K_followers” — hmm, maybe I should post something more interesting.
- No, put your phone away. Why don’t you have any will power?
- I’ll never be taken seriously.
- I couldn’t even be bothered to run.
- I’m not even very good at running.
It’s interesting for me to note that much of the time these days the volume on this monologue is turned down and replaced by a deeper truth.
A truth that is based on self love and self trust — one that knows that everything I do has a purpose and knows that I am enough.
But still the monologue runs in the background, vying for attention.

