Self-Described “Glass Half-Full Person” Unprepared For Drought

Jack Gasper
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

CHIPBURG, IOWA — The weather continues to oppress in Chipburg, a small town in southern Iowa. Heat waves and a lack of rain have sent this once idyllic farm community into near desertification. While most of the community has been stockpiling food and rationing water for weeks in preparation, one local man, Albert Williams, refused to bow down to fear and carried on as normal, albeit to his own detriment.

Williams owns and manages a small farm where he grows organic vegetables and harvests honey. During the last month, Williams suffered the consequences of the drought with the rest of his community. His fields dried out, causing his crops to wilt, shrivel, and die. His hives of bees also fell victim to the unrelenting heat and lack of moisture.

Despite holding a front row seat to his bee’s and crop’s destruction, Williams remained unflappably optimistic, convinced things would take a positive turn and work out in the end.

Williams’ optimism and refusal to take part in the community’s efforts to prepare for the drought, such as rationing water and abstaining from watering lawns, has left him in a much worse situation than the rest of his neighbors.

Williams’ next door neighbor, Jane Regel commented, “He simply refused to accept reality. Up until the town shut off the water and began rationing out allotted portions, Al would be out front hosing down his damn lawn like nothing was wrong. I stopped by his place when things started getting bad to see if he needed help organizing and setting up his reserves, but he’d taken absolutely no steps to prepare. He had barely any food frozen, no preserves canned, no drinking water stockpiled… nothing!”

Williams’ refusal to acknowledge the drought unfolding around him and prepare in any way caused disgruntlement amongst the rest of his neighbors as well. During town halls, where panic in the air was palpable, Williams’ would chuckle aloud at the alarm being raised and shake his head at his fellow citizen’s concern.

“What are you all getting all worked up about? Have a little faith. These things always work out in the end. Try to look at the glass as half-full, not empty,” Williams said in one meeting, causing scoffs and eye rolls to reverberate around the Hall.

“He’s just an idiot. Simple as that,” said John Harkins, Mayor of Chipburg.“He’d sit in the Town Halls laughing at everyone who took rational steps to ensure their family had adequate water and food reserves for the upcoming weeks. But Williams refused to accept reality. He’d just smirk and assure everyone that all they had to do was think positive and things would work out.”

Williams’ can no longer deny the severity of the drought. Having failed to plan accordingly, Williams ran out of water within 24 hours of the township cutting off the supply. He has lost the entirety of his land’s yield, all of his bees are dead, he must use a gas station toilet, and has no water at all aside from the meager portions distributed by the township. His neighbors are, for the most part, unwilling to assist the man who annoyed them for so long with his irrational optimism.

While the town expects to have running water again next month after seasonal rains return, a month is a long time to be without an adequate water supply. And Williams’ is surely in for a tough winter given the loss of revenue from his annihilated bee hives and crop yields.

When questioned about his losses, Williams said, “I try not to dwell too much on the negatives in life. Sure, things seem bleak, but I have trust in my community, family, and God that I’ll manage.”

“Nobody is going to help that dumbass,” said another neighbor, “Why help stupid? If you feed him he’ll only go on to breed more stupid. It’s best to let evolution take of these things.”

As for Mayor Harkins, he had the following to say about William’s future, “I’m sure someone will feel bad for him eventually. He’ll get by. He won’t die. But he also won’t learn anything. His glass isn’t half full now though, that’s for sure.”

Ministry of Information

A Little Satire for Your Head?

Jack Gasper

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The only difference between magic and miracles is marketing.

Ministry of Information

A Little Satire for Your Head?

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