Letter to Heaven
Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Dear Wife,
I miss you. I don’t really know why I’m typing this, or what I’m going to do with it when it’s done. Can you get letters in heaven? If not, that would be an amazing idea for a start-up. How’s it going up there? Is it everything it’s made out to be or is it just a hoax like that hotel we stayed in that one time in Paris? Remember that? They didn’t even give us towels! Anyway. Thought I’d fill you up on everything that’s been going on since you had to leave — things have really changed.
Let’s start with the kids. They’re doing okay. They don’t really understand where you are or why you had to go. That’s okay though, they don’t really understand much right now. They don’t understand why they look like each other either. It’ll probably get really hard once they start asking questions. But we’ll get to that later. What they do know is that they miss you immensely. They had their first day of preschool day before yesterday. I dropped them off and stayed there the entire time. I couldn’t bear to leave. Of course, I didn’t let them know I was there. They were crying at first and seemed a little shy, but by the time I went and got a cup of coffee they were getting along with the other kids really well — like they had been there forever. Reminded me a little of you.
They’re growing up too fast. Earlier today I caught Sean playing with my box of cigarettes. I guess it was my fault, I shouldn’t have left them on the dining table. But don’t worry, I told him that they tasted like broccoli. He’ll never go near them again. He’s such a drama queen though, I had to put on Barney to make him stop crying after I mentioned the word ‘broccoli’. Oh by the way, Matt figured out how to put the computer on by himself. He’s also building some really cool stuff with his Legos. Guess it’s getting pretty clear as to who’s going to be the one studying engineering and who’s going to be the actor. They’re both so smart though. And beautiful. Guess they get the beauty and the brains from you.
How am I you ask? I’ve been okay. Getting on. Looking ahead. Moving forw- ah, who am I kidding. I’ve been miserable. I haven’t gone to work since you left. How am I supposed to go if I don’t have anyone to tie my tie? My boss has been really sweet about it though. It’s tough to handle the house. I don’t really know where half the stuff is kept. I didn’t realise how tough this shit is. It’s your fault; you made it look so easy. Also, how the fuck do you get the coffee machine to work? I almost burnt the house down with that strange contraption yesterday.
I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I’ve been drinking and smoking a lot more. I know you hate it and I’ve been trying to quit. It just seems like the more that I try to quit the more that I do it. I know I need to get myself together for the sake of the kids, and I will. I promise. People keep stopping by the house to make sure I’m okay. I’ve never felt so lonely and been around so many people at the same time. I know it sounds clichéd and we used to make fun of the couples who said shit like this, but it feels like I’ve lost half of me.
There are times when I just break down and cry. Especially when I try going to sleep. Don’t remember the last time I slept. Feels weird without you snoring next to me and your legs kicking me all over. The days have become shorter and the nights a lot longer. It feels like someone ripped open my body and pulled my heart out. It feels really dark, like someone blew out the last candle. I know it sounds dramatic, but that’s honestly what it feels like. I don’t mean to bum you out, but I don’t know who else to talk to about this. What I’d give for one of your lame jokes right now.
It’s stopped snowing, but it’s been really cold. It’s the type of weather where you’d drag me out of the house claiming you don’t need a jacket or scarf only to promptly steal mine as soon as we get to our destination. Fuck, I miss you. Well, I just wanted to check in on you and let you know how things have been. I know you’re watching down on all three of us from up there. Probably laughing at us and all the stupid things we do. I miss having my guardian angel literally standing over me rather than figuratively.
I can’t believe it’s only been three days. Take care of yourself and us.
Yours lovingly,
Husband
