How to Build a Real Connection.
Three Keys to Easily Relate to the People You Care About Most
In business and in life, our relationships with people define our legacy. With 7.7 billion people living 7.7 billion unique lives, sometimes understanding how to connect with each individual can seem an impossible struggle. Couples drift apart, businesses lose touch with customers, and why? Sometimes, the connections on which we build our relationships are so fragile, so narrow, that they can’t stand the test of time.
So, how do you create relationships strong enough to last forever?
Understand Motivation
People want three things. To live comfortably, to learn and to create. Most people and businesses concentrate exclusively on the first desire, which is driven by external forces. People build up riches to lavish gifts on potential partners. Friends call if there’s an emergency. Businesses give away gift bags full of luxuries, and it all serves its purpose.
It’s the twins of curiosity and creativity, however, that deepen and strengthen connections. You fall in love with the person you can spend hours talking to about the world. The friend who pushes you toward your goals becomes your best friend. Businesses too can take this into mind when connecting with customers. Is your audience challenged? Do you teach them anything? Not about your product, but about the world. How many opportunities have you created for your audience to problem solve and discover solutions?
Any good relationship is based on knowing your audience, and in order to deliver on all three human desires (comfort, curiosity, creativity) you’ll need to know the people you’re connecting with extremely well. Whether you’re getting to know individuals or a group of customers, the best way to learn is to spend time and listen to what they have to say. You might learn that your customers don’t want free sample candy bars that melt in their purse. Maybe they want to design the packaging on the labels. Maybe the discount on your clothes is enticing, but your social media series showing how the clothes were made is what drew them in for a purchase. Feeding these desires creates the feeling of being heard and noticed that’s essential in a successful relationship.
Inclusivity is Key
Inclusivity is a word that’s often misused. The word is defined as “the practice or policy of including people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized, such as those who have physical or mental disabilities and members of minority groups.” Of course, most people don’t consciously close themselves off to people for those reasons. If asked, I’m sure most would say that they don’t discriminate based on race or ability. But if you look at their loved ones, their co-workers, and the people they look up to, the picture can start to look a bit homogeneous. Which is why inclusivity is an active practice. It involves seeking out people who are different and unfamiliar, which can be scary. But the alternative is a lot scarier.
26% of Americans have a disability. More than 38% are minorities. 50% are women. Historically, these groups have been left out of conversations both one on one and on a broad scope. Under and misrepresented in media, forgotten by politicians, and ignored by businesses, a lot of marginalized groups have found their haven on the internet, where they can connect to people who understand their journey. As an individual, seeking out a group of friends and colleagues with different viewpoints will add value to your life that you can’t find by simply looking for common ground. If you surround yourself with people with different backgrounds, with different interests, people who speak differently, think differently, your needs for creativity and curiosity will always be sated.
For businesses, disregarding inclusivity is, to put it plainly, really really stupid. To quote Forbes, “studies show that when people feel out-of-the-loop, they immediately (often unconsciously) interpret it as a subtle sign of rejection. As a result, they report trusting and liking their bosses and colleagues less, feeling less loyalty to the company, and feeling less motivated to perform.” If your workforce and your marketing don’t reflect real America (50% Female, 26% Disabled, 38% Minority) you are inadvertently offending and ostracizing huge numbers of customers. Simply adding models of color to your site is wonderful, but for a company to connect with their audience, they need to understand them. Hire inclusively, and you will market inclusively. Market inclusively, and you will profit enormously.
Give Give Give
Give. If you want to connect with another human being on a personal level or a business level, learn what they want and then, wait for it… give it to them. Without asking anything in return, without leading, without expectations. This simple concept is so powerful because people inevitably focus on their own self-interest. Which means that altruistic giving is both tremendously effective and remarkably rare.
Now, before you panic or run out to purchase expensive gifts for your loved ones and customers, take a beat. Giving is not inherently materialistic. Often, in fact, what people want goes much deeper than physical gifts. Maybe they want an experience they can remember, a group of friends to connect with, a chance to learn something new. Whatever it is, the key is to listen to what people really want and not ask anything in return when you give it. Just as you shouldn’t expect to spend the night after a date goes well, you shouldn’t push your product on customers with every piece of content. A hard sell may pressure a few people to your door, but a strategy of purposeful generosity will lure the masses.
With those three concepts in mind: motivation, inclusivity, and giving, it becomes easy to connect with people you care for on a personal and business level. Relationships become mutual gifts when understanding and generosity are present on both sides. So, go apply these rules to your company or take them home to your spouse. If applied honestly, you’ll see the positive results of a closer, more fulfilling relationship.
