The story of Mix Mix Remix — the cross-cultural parenting project — begins on a New Year’s eve many years ago as a family of three hurdles through the foggy streets in Kathmandu, Nepal on a small Honda motorcycle. It is late in the evening and the streets are abandoned and the three riders — a man, a woman and child of 10 — hold on tight to stay safe and keep each other warm in equal measure. Suddenly they take a sharp right and the large building that houses the Nepal Telecommunications office building emerges from the mist. The man and woman in this story are my parents — my mom Czech, my father Nepalese. I am that ten year old, caught between worlds. We enter the empty hall, shivering in the cold. My father walks up to the counter and carefully counts out the rupees we had saved up for this moment. Then we all crowd into a booth, fogging up its dirty finger stained glass walls, to place our annual 3 minute phone call to wish our relatives in (then Czechoslovakia) a happy new year. The phone rings. We hold the receiver sideways so we can all hear. The call connects and my grandmother picks up, her voice distant and distorted. We struggle to find words and hold back tears, then a resolute click ends our 180 seconds of prepaid contact. I would not be able to speak with my grandmother again until a year later, relying on Nepal’s unpredictable postal system to keep in touch.
Fast forward many years, more than I care to admit, I sit at our dining table in Los Angeles and watch my now 8 year old son, casually finger my Iphone to initiate a Facetime call with his grandmother (my mother) in the Czech Republic. She picks up, her voice clear and strong. She is not in the least surprised that we have called. They start their routine leisurely chat, one of several they might have today. I am suddenly overwhelmed with wonder and emotion, struggling to grasp how different my son’s experience of growing up across cultures has been.
This is when I sit up with a jolt, my media expert antennae activated as I grasp the almost banal, yet rarely articulated, fact that media has played a decisive role for kids and parents living cross-cultural lives. From video conferencing apps to music streaming, from Youtube to Whatsapp, digital and social media tools have decisively changed how families bridge geographical divides, stay connected with distant relatives, engage with local popular cultures, and imagine their cross-cultural identities.
I need to understand this better. I need to know more about how this actually plays out for parents, caregivers, and children. My journey into cross-cultural parenting has begun. I am now in the midst of my research into this fascinating and evolving topic. I am interviewing parents and youth, reviewing existing materials, observing practices, and fielding a survey. Because I want to connect with others along the way, I have built this site to document my journey into the tactics, strategies, challenges and barriers that parents who want (or need to) parent across cultures adopt to raise their children between cultures.
Stating the obvious, the world is now ever more interconnected and interdependent. We rarely pause to reflect on what it means that we can now easily hop on an audio or video call that bridges many time zones. For many, but not all, of us the days of the 3-minutes-till-you-get-cut-off call that shaped my childhood seem like ancient history. At the same time, the Covid-19 pandemic lockdowns and governmental forays into censoring and blocking social media platforms serve as a constant reminder of just how fragile these connections can be. Through all this, future trends are clear. Everyday, every month, every year, the number of cross-cultural, inter-racial and otherwise mixed-remixed families, households, parents and children grows. According to Pew Research Center, 17% of marriages in the United States were between members of a “different race or ethnicity”. Across the European Union, this number is estimated to be 12%, with other countries also noting marked increases over the past decade. Data from other regions suggest that cross-cultural families have followed migratory patterns for centuries.
Culture shapes our beliefs, attitudes, and values, and these factors influence how we interact with our children. Combining parenting and culture is a complex process that involves supporting, nurturing and guiding children while simultaneously reflecting on one’s own journey. Who are we? Where have we come from? And, where are we going? Why does this all matter to us? Clearly, parenting is not a one-size-fits-all approach and varies greatly across different cultures. Looking at those moments where cultural approaches to parenting collide and connect, my project on cross-cultural parenting explores those practices, beliefs, and values that influence the way parents from different cultural backgrounds raise their children. I am also really interested in how we use media to support us along the way, particularly when traveling is not an option.
For parents and caregivers, this project provides insights into what others are doing. For others, and everyone really, it is my hope that this project generates a lively debate around how media can be used to promote intergenerational and cross-cultural connections through a challenging process that promotes understanding, respect, and empathy across different cultures.
So, I welcome you to join me on this journey and learn with me as I am learning with you.
