The Three Songs That Completely Changed My Life

American Football “Never Meant”

The first time I heard about American Football was in my high school cafeteria back in 1999. The internet was hardly booming at the time, so the only way to discover new music was to share what you could discover with your friends. It was over lunch that a classmate mentioned them to me and as soon as I heard the first track, “Never Meant,” off their album, I was absolutely hooked.

“You can’t miss what you forget”

This band, and this track specifically, are the emo movement I grew up on, and no matter what was going on in my life at the time, I knew if I put on “Never Meant” I was sure I’d have 4 ½ minutes where everything still made sense.

Refused “New Noise”

Growing up in the local pop punk scene and crossing over into hardcore and metal, I was raised on genres. As great as music was, I had the impression it always had to fit within these imaginary lines defining what style it was supposed to be, or how it was supposed to sound. When I discovered Refused I realized how wrong that was.

“New Noise” was so much more than Swedish hardcore. Refused not only defied genres, but were brash enough to forecast how their album “The Shape of Punk to Come” would change the face of music as we know it.

“And how can we expect anyone to listen if we are using the same old voice?
We need new noise — new art for the real people.”

When I look back on my own experience playing music, fronting a hardcore band, playing basement shows and clubs across New England, I know none of it would have happened had I not discovered Refused’s “New Noise.”

Dawes “When My Time Comes”

I first met Taylor Goldsmith, the frontman for the american folk rock band Dawes, on a dreary, drizzly Thursday night in Manhattan Beach back in 2008. At the time, I was handling PR for a really talented LA-based singer/songwriter named Justin Figueroa, and Justin was performing at a tucked away supper club called 12 and Highland, just a few blocks up from the beach.

Taylor was in between projects, following the breakup of his previous band Simon Dawes, and had brought his brother Griffin along to accompany him on drums. From the first note of his set, I was hooked. It was like the whole room disappeared and all that was left was the music. But the most powerful moment came when, towards the end of their set, they played a very early version of “When my time comes.”

As someone who’s got an unhealthy amount of drive, I felt like the song was written completely for me. They so perfectly captured the drive and desire to discover some sense of greatness that provides clarity and context, bringing sense to a world that so often feels so big.

“I took what I wanted and put it out of my reach.
I wanted to pay for my successes with all my defeats.”

But rather than providing some sense of peace from this anxiety, they faced it head on, like a lyrically-driven drive, taking their hands off the wheel and letting the wheels and the pavement determine where they’d end up.

“You can judge all the world on the sparkle that you think it lacks.
Yes you can stare into the abyss, but it’s staring right back.”

“Anyone that’s making anything new only breaks something else.”

Since that first night in Manhattan Beach some eight years ago, this song has been a beacon for me. It’s been a constant reminder that there are truths in this world that won’t change no matter how much work I put in. It reminds me that the meaning I’m searching for isn’t some external place I’ll discover, but it’s something internal I’ll eventually uncover, if I just take the time and look.

Dawes has since gone on to put out some unbelievable records featuring absolutely killer songwriting, but “When my time comes” will always be the one for me.