How to Give Feedback in an Affirmative Way?
Self-improvement. It is the most essential motive that a person working in the IT industry should have. Feedback is one of the most important parameters that support personal development. Receiving and giving feedback will enhance you and your team. However, incorrect feedback affects negatively the motivation of your team as well as yours.
What are Feedback and Feedback Session?
Feedback, with the shortest definition, is “any information and notification that is given back to a person by the system or team-mates regarding to his/her situation and action.” The main purpose of giving feedback is to identify shortcomings, and then correct and develop them.
Feedback Session is an event implemented by companies, teams, or communities, where everyone gives feedback to each other periodically (once a month, twice a year, etc.). During the session, scores can also be given to people based on certain criteria. In some communities, earnings of individuals (bonus, benefits, salary, etc.) can be determined through these session scores.
What is the purpose of Feedback?
Let’s think like an engineer and proceed with an output-oriented approach. What are our expectations and acceptance criteria after giving feedback? It is important to analyze this point correctly because all of the items listed in the rest of this article will actually be trying to create this output.
Acceptance Criteria (The Expected Output): Increased motivation and productivity. 💪
So, what is the main purpose of feedback?
The main purpose of Feedback is to reveal the shortcomings of a person/team, to create the necessary motivation to overcome these shortcomings, and finally to ensure that the person/team approaches the optimum level.
As a matter of fact, when the person/team develops enough to provide maximum efficiency, the output of the work will become equally efficient. But, wrong feedback, which deviates from its purpose, can destroy the happiness of your team and your favorite work environment.
💎 As a summary of the whole article, just filter your feedback ideas with the super-secret filters below (your answer should be yes to all of them):
- Will it contribute to the development of the person/team?
- Is it repetitive and fixable behavior?
- Does it not criticize personal characteristics?
Use friendly language, positive sentences.
Being constructive always leaves more positive impressions on you. You should avoid imperative moods and scornful attitudes.
Instead of saying, “If you interrupt people, productivity decreases, don’t do that” you may say, “We can wander off from the topic when someone interrupts while we are discussing an important issue. If you pay attention to this point, we can work more efficiently.”
As a result of both sentences, your friend will understand that interrupting people is a problem. However, the person will lose motivation with the thought of “I am reducing productivity” with the first sentence, he/she will be motivated with the thought that “I will increase productivity” with the second sentence.
Don’t blame/point the person. Use “I” rather than “you”.
Do not pretend to be the parent of the person you are giving feedback to. Give feedback to your teammates without looking hierarchically. Be a friend, not a politician. Never blame.
If you are going to do due diligence, it may be a better choice to convey the same main idea in a way that criticizes yourself.
Let’s take a look at the following feedbacks with the same main idea:
- Feedback 1: You can be very hurtful.
- Feedback 2: Sometimes I can misunderstand you and get hurt
If we empathize with both sentences, we can see what the difference in sentence structure can lead to:
- Empathy 1: Am I really offending people? I’m so sorry for being a hurtful person. How wrong I was. What if I break someone again? From now on, I have to think about it in every step I take.
- Empathy 2: Actually, I am not a hurtful person. Sometimes people misunderstand me. I should be more careful not to be misunderstood.
As a result of the first feedback, your friend will lose motivation and will start to weigh every word he/she speaks and every behavior he/she does. Your friend may feel guilty, and if he/she is an emotionally sensitive person, may even lose his/her sense of belonging to the team.
As a result of the second feedback, your friend will be motivated, not feel guilty, and will make an effort to improve himself.
Choose the second. Although you know that it is not your fault, our acceptance criteria (feedback output) was that our friend was motivated and mistakes were corrected, right?
Do not criticize personal characteristics.
Don’t be a therapist or psychologist. Do not criticize points such as personal characteristics, life preferences, speaking style, temperament, private life, the belief that do not affect your business relationship or technical partnership.
Empathize, no one can change their innate temperament and the values they believe in after a criticism. Don’t expect it to change.
In addition, this type of criticism is extremely dangerous for culture. When this type of feedback is given, the person will make an effort to act against his temperament, will be under stress, and will experience a loss of work motivation.
The point of Feedback was to motivate and move forward, right? Not losing that person!
Do not use “but”.
The word “but” is magical. It destroys all positive propositions that come before it in the sentence. When you list great features and connect them with but, all the positive things you listed evaporate. The focus shifts entirely to the second part of the sentence.
Separate the sentences. Instead of saying, “You are great in these subjects, but it would be better if you improve these subjects”, say “You are great at these subjects. It would be better if you develop this subject as well.”
Do not criticize momentary, one-off events.
We are all human, we can make mistakes. Everyone can have bad days, try to be understanding. Ignore one-time errors. Discuss general, established behavior. If you’re going to use sentences beginning with “once”, think twice.🙂
Do not tell others about your private memories with that person.
If you are trying to reach an opinion about a person as a team and give collective feedback; do not share private things (positive or negative) with the team other than your business relationship with that person.
Don’t wait until the Feedback Session. Communicate simple things promptly.
It is important to take quick action for small problems. A problem that is not intervened early can grow and come to you. Don’t wait for feedback session time to talk about them. Share these topics without waiting, by having a one-to-one conversation.
Clearly state your opinions for your feedbacks.
Regardless of whether your score is low or high, share both the shortcomings and the positive aspects of the person. Hearing good things motivates everyone.
Be result-oriented, emphasize areas to be improved.
Your focus when giving feedback should always be to see the other person’s shortcomings and improve them. Our ultimate goal is to elevate our team culture. We should be able to tell people about their shortcomings in an appropriate manner and positively contribute to their self-development.
I would like to end the article by reminding the acceptance criteria that all the topics I mentioned above try to provide:
Acceptance Criteria (The Expected Output): Increased motivation and productivity. 💪
Feel free to give feedback to me. But first, read this article one more time 🙂.
Stay with code! 👨💻
