What I’ve learned as an undergrad (so far)
4 key lessons experienced by a student written for students (and almost anyone)
My name is Adhi Appukutty, and I am a Junior at the University of Michigan, pursuing a Bachelor of Business Administration with a Minor in Community Action & Social Change. I, like many of you, am a determined college student, seeking to make an impact, to create a successful future, and to leave a lasting legacy. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, my fair share of mid-life crises, and my fair share of “what the hell am I doing?” thoughts. I am here now, writing about what helped me to navigate through these challenges and to reevaluate my college experiences.
Here are four key lessons that are especially relevant to college students, but can most definitely be applied to almost anyone in a similar situation.
1. Don’t be a victim of the advocacy effect — It’s never too late to change your mind and to truly pursue what you want.
Let me tell you all a story of my undergraduate journey so far. I arrived to campus as a pre-admit to the business school, so it was a clear path for me at the time. I was going to sail through this world renowned, 3-year program, join the corporate world, and live happily ever after. Yeah, I’m not so sure that’s what will happen anymore. Little did I know that my interests would change. During my first two years, I worked to transform my initial vision into a reality. I joined the right business clubs, I networked with the right professionals, and I made sure I had the right grades and interviewing skills. Then recruiting season came, and everything hit me: was I really pursuing what I wanted? Internally, I knew I was facing a battle between staying aligned with my prior committments and making changes this late in the game. I had always been interested in the education/academia sphere, but I simply didn’t know where I fit in. Thus, and quite unfortuatnely, it remained a lingering thought in the back of my head for the first half of my undergraduate experience.
In the middle of my fifth semester at college, it hit me: why am I wasting time dreaming about things I want to pursue and pursuing things I once told myself I had wanted?
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
People don’t always say, think, or act upon what they believe; instead, they tend to believe what they see, think, or believe. This is exactly what I was doing, and it was wrong. So, I decided to take action. I dropped several clubs, but I also got involved in others that were more relevant to me. I started reaching out to more professors to get involved in various projects. I began talking to PhD / Masters candidates to learn about different paths. I picked up a note taking job to hopefully learn more relevant material without having to pay for the additional classes. I took action to change my path even though I built the first two years of my college career heading in one direction. Internally, I was afraid to abandon everything I had built thus far, but if I had waited a bit longer, who knows how much I would have regretted not taking further action? I promise you — you probably don’t want to find that out.
2. True consistency is the key to happiness. Breaking it will only disrupt that. Small, relevant deviations are important though.
Many people are familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which divides human needs into three categories: basic, psychological, and self-actualization. For those who are not familiar with his research, you can read more here, and you can also learn about new adaptations and pertaining research here. I bring up Maslow’s pyramid model because it is a solid representation of what humans need and crave. Fortunate people (and yes, you if you’re a college student) probably have your basic needs covered. (Yes, I am aware that sentence poises several significant problems, but let’s save that for another article and continue). Once someone has their basic needs covered, they need psychological comfort — they need valuable friendships and a defined mission and purpose. Going to college also helps overcome this hurdle. Arguably the hardest bracket to attain is the branch of self-actualization: How do humans achieve their full potential?
The key to reaching (or rather striving to reach) our full potential lies in a simple concept called improvement. Humans can achieve more when they are better or they are equipped to achieve more. This can take forms in a variety of ways (i.e. improving technology can aid humans, collaboration can help, etc.), but the most natural way is for humans themselves to get better at what they can do. The reason I bring this up is because improvement is not easily obtained. It requires commitment, dedication, and most importantly consistency. Steph Curry, a star basketball player for the Golden State Warriors, most likely deliberately and endlessly practiced shooting and dribbling for hours and hours. Yoonshin Song, a First Violinist and concertmaster for the Detroit Symphony Orchestra most likely deliberately and endlessly practiced for hours and hours before becoming that talented. Yeah, there may be a rare phenomena of someone so incredibly talented without ever practicing, but most humans entail what it means to be average. To be average means you need to consistently practice so you can improve. Curry wasn’t born a basketball star the same way Song wasn’t born a beautiful violinist. Practice is key, but more importantly, consistency is key.
Now, the reason why I write that small, relevant deviations are important is actually quite relevant. As mentioned above, the power of habit is extremely important, and yes that was a subtle (or obvious) allusion to Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit. Evidently, (positive) habits truly help us improve and achieve more. But it is equally important to explore new territory, or rather, add variety to these habits. Steph Curry didn’t stand in one spot behind the three-point arc, shooting 3s. He repeatedly changed spots and changed scenarios. He added variety to his deliberate practice sessions. Song didn’t practice the same concerto over and over. She deliberately practiced various pieces and genres.
Do yourself a favor and develop habits, and constantly challenge those habits. Exercise daily, but alter your routine if you find that it becomes too easy. Grow your network, but extend your reach if you feel it becomes too similar or repetitive. Take new classes, but propose independent projects if you complain they are too limiting. They are many ways that we can benefit from developing consistency, and I strongly urge you to keep this in mind.
3. People have to help you, but more importantly they WANT to help you.
College is a place to begin your adult life and prepare yourself for the real world, wherever that may be. College is also a business. You are providing financial payment to receive a good (education) and service (teaching). As part of that transaction, you are provided with numerous opportunities for help and support. Take advantage of these. More importantly, focus your energy into the resources and people who can help you the most. The more tailored your pitches or requests are, the more likely people will help you.
A couple of weeks ago, I frantically emailed various professors from the School of Information and the School of Education. Reasons why I chose these schools are a story for a different time. Shortly after, a PhD student studying Educational Psychology, under the guidance of one professor, reached out to me and offered to chat. A couple days later, we chatted. I relayed my interests to her, and we went back and forth about different topics and ideas. This PhD student then conveyed our discussion to the professor. The professor then went out of his way to schedule a time to meet with me, during which we discussed how I could potentially get involved in his lab. This is a professor, who has no obligation to help me. He has never had an undergrad work in his lab before. Yet, he still takes time out of his day to discuss and help me figure out what is best for me. This is a professor I have never met, I have never heard of, I never would have thought he would be in my life. Yet, here he is letting me shadow his lab, letting me learn, and letting me get involved.
Here’s another story: during the same time, I received an email from a Professor in the School of Information department. He replied saying he would be more than happy to chat and invited me to schedule a 30-minute time block on his calendar. Next week we met for long over an hour and discussed various EdTech projects that I could get involved with. Here are some interesting facts about me:
- I have 0 affiliation with the School of Information
- I have 0 experience with EdTech, or any research related, projects
- I did not send my resume or anything to showcase my credibility
- I ONLY sent an email, stating my passions and concluding with a request
This is a professor I have never met, I have never heard of, I never would have thought he would be in my life. Yet, here he is… you get the point.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and when you do, be specific and transparent. It’s good to ask for help; however, the more specific and clearer you are with your interests and request can really push others to help you more. This is because people tend to help people that they feel can exist in the notion of their “in-group.” People will tend to help people that share commonalities and similar interests. Keep this in mind when you do ask for help. Even if you have no idea what you are doing with your life. Trust me, just reach out, speak from your heart, and help will come your way.
4. Find friends who will call you out.
There is definitely a strong notion that friends that always support your decisions and choices are the ones that bring out the best in you. Not to our surprise, there is research supporting this exact sentiment — the idea that close friends display strong support and affection, ultimately providing validation that we are also valued and important. I agree that this validation is extremely important, but at what cost is this validation okay?
I am here to (slightly) counter the notion that close friends need to support; in fact, I believe when a close friend truly opposes something, I believe they should genuinely oppose. I believe the internal satisfaction given from approval does not outweigh the potential for improvement through open and honest feedback. When I make bad choices, I prefer my (close) friends to call me out. When I make a mistake, I hope my friends recognize that and advise me ways to improve. When I *insert anything bad here*, I pray my friends acknowledge that and speak up. A problem arises when people, especially friends, brush that away.
Research also supports the notion that honesty and authenticity are key to building relationships — the key relationships that will help you thrive and succeed.
I saw a poster somewhere that read “Find friends who care more about your happiness than your friendship.”
The first thing that came to my mind was all the friendships that I have, in which I am often filtered and not completely open. Why do I do this? Because, I don’t want to lose that friendship. Friendship is a loose term here — in this instance, I do not care more about the person’s happiness than our friendship. On the contrary, friends who do not use a filter when interacting with you are the ones you can trust to be honest and authentic. These are the ones that you can truly call your close friends. They are the ones that care more about your happiness and you. You absolutely need this because when your flaws and mistakes are ignored, you begin to normalize that behavior, and your sense of right and wrong becomes hazy. This is problematic and where your true friendships can help you overcome this. These are relationships built off of trust and authenticity. Friends you can trust to be genuine with you are the ones that will help you grow and develop. Make an effort to find these friends, and make damn sure you do everything in your power to keep them in your life.
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Thanks for reading! If you like what you read, feel free to clap the article or leave a comment below.
- AA
Be the reason someone smiles today :)
