Fear will not be my anthem.
Fear is a golden cage that keeps you protected from failure. It is not your enemy if you listen to its concerns and gently pat it on the back, saying “Listen, I’ve got this”. You can hate it and blame it for all your shortcomings, but all in vain. The only way to regain control over your life is to listen to your fear and calm it down. Fear will not be your anthem once you approach it gently and let it flow out of you.
Dear dreamers,
if you are anything like me, you lie awake at night, and your mind fills with electric hopes, dreams of alternative timelines, and neon resolutions that set your heart on fire. You dream in colors brighter than city lights.
Everything changes when night blues creep into your heart and doubts get to you like painful splinters. Dreams turn into spiraling nightmares.
Electric hopes feed high voltage fears that can paralyze you for days, months, and years. Is there anything more radioactive than wasted potential? It keeps you awake at night, tired and frustrated until nighttime is no longer your refuge.
Once you let your fear take over, it is difficult to snap out of it. Self-pity is addicting. It’s another golden cage that you hesitate to leave. It may be gilded and small, but it is safe.
Fear used to be my biggest enemy. I despised it with passion and blamed it for every single failure in my life. It was my designated scapegoat for my shortcomings, weaknesses, and poor decisions.
The spiral continued for years. I would vow to end with fear, use up extra doses of courage on trivialities, and fall back to my old habits.
I never acknowledged the source of my fears. That would require digging that I was not prepared to start.
Now I sit with my fears. I listen to their concerns. I weigh their arguments.
It’s messy, dirty, and definitely not mascara-friendly. It keeps me awake at night when I cry for my past self and everything she sacrificed for me to heal. Facing fears is anything but glamorous.
If you are waiting for a glorious part… it comes. Every soft morning, when I decide to post something, pitch something, or try something new, is a result of successful negotiations with my fears.
Now they know that I can handle life. They don’t always trust me, but they try their best to let me get out of my comfort zone.
Fear will not be my anthem. Fear will be my protector and my cheerleader. Fear will just be. I will be the one who acts. The big old world waits!
Modern Idealist is a safe space for dreamers, bookworms, old souls, and recovering perfectionists. You can expect reflections on life, creativity, healing, self-improvement, and many more things. If you want to stay up to date, please follow me here! For short pieces of content and inspiration, you can also follow me on Instagram.
