Satire

Get Your Pumpkin Spice On 15 Ways

Linus was right about the Great Pumpkin

Pumpkin Spice Oysters Rockefeller! 🎃😋

Uptown meets downtown when these seasonal favorites come together and dress to impress!

Composite image by the author

Ingredients

• 1/3 cup chopped fennel
• 1/3 cup chopped parsley
• 1/4 cup chopped celery
• 1/4 cup chopped shallots
• 1 teaspoon chopped chervil
• 1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter
• 2 cups watercress
• One 28 fl oz bottle of Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Flavored Almondmilk & Oatmilk Non-Dairy Liquid Coffee Creamer™️
• 1/3 cup crumbs
• Rock salt
• 2 dozen oysters on the half shell

Method

Sauté the veggies in butter until neither taste any good. Show the watercress reruns of The Partridge Family or Green Acres until it wilts. Scrape the gunk into a blender, add Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Flavored Almondmilk & Oatmilk Non-Dairy Liquid Coffee Creamer™️, and blend long enough to put this recipe on Tik Tok as a life hack. Combine with the crumbs left from your last relationship and…