You Can’t Be Behind in Life.

There is no such thing as being ‘behind’ in life.

We think of time as a solid, fixed concept, but the closer I pay attention to human potential and growth, the more I experience it differently.

Let me give you an example.

When I first trained as a coach, about 5 years ago, I realised one of the deeply held thoughts that was holding me back was that I was too young. I didn’t deserve a more senior role because I wasn’t experienced enough.

Around the same time I met a friend who was on a similar journey to me. Exactly the same age. His deeply held belief was that he was too old, he’d left it too late.

A weird thing happened when our opposing beliefs collided — they just sort of disappeared. It turned out neither was true.

Soon after that, I met a mentor who was at least 10 years younger than me. But the experience he had packed into his life was incredible. I began to see it’s not about the time that’s passed, it’s the experiences you have had and the person you have become as a result of that.

It’s too easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, but it is a fruitless exercise — they are running a different race.

I speak to many people who believe they are behind in life. Professionally, financially, in their relationships. They look around and compare themselves unfavourably with where others are. It leads to deep unhappiness and loss of confidence.

Here are the things I have learned about time:

• It’s not a fixed concept. Like molecules that can exist as a solid, liquid, or gas — it changes form depending on what you do with it. One year spent doing the same things you have done for the last 5 years is not the same as one year where you deliberately put yourself into situations where you are pushed and grow.
• Equally, one hour clock watching because you can’t wait to get away from your desk is not the same as one hour spent in flow — creating something that comes from the depths of your talent. Imagine what you would achieve if more of your work hours felt like that.
• The more peak experiences you have, the slower time passes. Novelty creates memories. If you feel time is passing too quickly, you need to create more memory-worthy experiences in your life.
• Measuring your progress against a checklist of external accomplishments is insufficient and often actively unhelpful. The happy measure their progress by how fulfilled and energised and joyful they feel inside.
• You can achieve more than you think in a year and more than you believe is possible in 5 years. I have worked with many people who have completely changed their lives in this time.

So take this as permission to stop comparing and start living.

As the Chinese proverb goes:

‘The best time to plant a cherry tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.’