To positively rebuild after the loss of a loved one, the most important factor?

Following the death of a loved one, you go through some expected and some unexpected life phases. I don’t need to list the expected ones as they are pretty obvious. It is the unexpected ones that can be so different depending on who you are, what kind of family you belong to and so on. These unexpected elements almost have a unique quality that is totally related to you and your personal environment and can really throw up some unforeseen life challenges.

For our family after the death of our Mother, there was the breaking up in large part of our family unit. We had not truly appreciated how much of a linchpin my Mother was, how she kept everyone together. Her passing brought the realisation that some of us had been suffering more than others resulting in issues being generated with the rest of the family. For others, we saw how much stronger an individual was/is than we gave them credit for. In short, there was a whole collection of positive and negative points that came to light, all of them providing us with challenges on the journey forward we now had to take with our lives.

So the rebuild process begins. Eventually you do realise that with the “new normal” you now live in, there is a necessity to rebuild your life so as to accept and incorporate the loss you feel, thereby enabling you to move forward. This acceptance helps in acquiring the will to live your own life again, to smile, to laugh and to no longer exist but be an active player in the world around you.

My rebuild process started slow but now is gathering momentum due to the answer to one simple question. What is the most important factor in rebuilding after the loss of a loved one? Awareness. In one sense, I wish I had had greater awareness prior to my Mother’s death so that I could have seen how others were suffering more than others, awareness to see that an important role within our family was about to be lost and we all needed to learn how to compensate. However, the fact that I can recognise this point now is an important life learning lesson for the future as now, the importance of being aware is ever greater. In our family today, our relationships are so much more direct than before. The “central Management” of those relationships via “Mom’s House INC” no longer exists, we are now more like self run entities so to speak. We are aware more than ever the importance of building a strong bond with each other that is individual, collective and supportive all at the same time, the awareness that the need to love and be loved is an integral survival skill for life, a skill that we each must learn to master.

Such intensified awareness is needed for your own soul, your body and mind. I am aware of how as a person I will never be the same again. However it is not in a negative way. I am aware of the strength that took me through the sad time of before and immediately after her passing, aware of the lessons she left me and how I now wish to incorporate them into my own life. Aware of how her spirit can live on forever after the proof of seeing all that she touched and influenced. Aware that death is purely a single moment in time, just a single moment out of the many other moments that person lived. Now I am aware that I no longer need to focus on her death, rather on her legacy and her memory. Make it live on.

This awareness is day by day showing itself as an ally as I rebuild my life. To live with awareness is to be able to make better choices, better decisions, to know when to walk away, how to protect your health, how to better love and support, how it is ok to ask for help. Me being more aware is helping create a life with happiness once more, one where I can grow and develop both via my own effort and via the loving and supporting relationships that I am so very grateful to have. Being aware is putting my life into focus, helping to see the direction one must go.