Western Culture Is Hostile Toward Mothers
Entering into motherhood is becoming counter-cultural
No matter how far feminism supposedly progresses, there is always one element that remains disturbingly left behind; motherhood. No matter what, the struggles of motherhood remain suspiciously unanswered by the very loud feminist SHE-E-O culture which has become more obviously aimed toward the young city-dwelling female.
Entering into motherhood is becoming so counter-cultural, that you almost need a philosophy degree to justify why you want to have kids. Mothers also face increased levels of workplace discrimination, and report feelings of feeling ‘judged’ and ‘pushed out’ from their jobs while also feeling judged societally for desiring to be a stay-at-home mum or ‘SAHM’.
The Motherhood Career Gap
So many women face the choice to either stay at home or return to work and ensure their kids are left looked after by trusted family or daycare. For many people, these decisions are financial ones; what can you financially afford to do? While childcare is so expensive in the UK, many parents will still choose to return to work because the net financial benefit overall is more than if they were to stay at home.
Many women, however, also face the prospect of, if they were to stay at home with their babies, what that would mean for their long-term career prospects; we all know babies fly the nest sooner or later, so what comes after?
‘What comes after?’ is such a huge question. It’s incredibly daunting. For some new parents, it’s the better part of a lifetime. Let’s say you have three children each with a two-year age gap and you’re 28 years old. Assuming there are no miscarriages, problems with conception, or any other complications that are common in childbirth, you’re about 35+ by the time you’re finished having three kids. That’s about seven potential years out of work if you choose to stay at home.
In today’s economy, that just doesn’t feel realistic to most women.
The Argument Against Motherhood (Or Parenthood, Per Se)
One argument is ‘but you don’t need to have kids, and you certainly don’t need three!’.
While this may be something to consider on the individual level, on the national level this isn’t true at all. Firstly, it reflects the national sentiment has come away from child-centricity and is, instead, focused much more on the individual. The West has also faced a rise in rhetoric claiming that our nations are overpopulated. While this is true in some cases (with some heavy caveating), it is decidedly not the case when it comes to our younger generations. We’re currently living in an aging population.
According to the ONS, women would need to have on average 2.08 children in order to replace the population, and we’re currently sitting pretty at a rate of 1.49 children as of 2022. It has been documented that birth rates are declining all across the West, but in other parts of the world too — South Korea, for example, faces population collapse within the next 20 years.
This is not to say women who don’t want children should be hopping on the fertility bandwagon, nothing like it — but rather to tackle that pernicious rhetoric the likes of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle like to tout i.e. That having more than two children would be harmful to the environment. It’s completely ignoring the birth rate issues.
Attitudes Towards Becoming a Mum
It’s been memed into infinity — all the possible downsides of becoming a mother and the horrors that women can experience for the sake of having children. While it would be a faux pas in the opposite direction to disguise the hardships of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, some of these online attitudes have swung far in the opposite direction.
For example, the 100 reasons not to have a child that lists off banal reasons such as ‘it spits on you’ or ‘you can’t wear your cute high heels out to the club’, on top of so many more. While it might be funny in the moment, many young people look at the idea of having kids as a fundamental indictment of their individual freedoms. Which it is. Except, the problem is, individual freedoms as a paradigm which is above all else is not a good axiom to live your life by.
Many people just do not have the drive to have kids, never have, and never will. However, there are also many young women inducted into city-life culture who are indoctrinated by the anti-mother social media rhetoric. It promotes a consumerist, individualist, and anti-community attitude — and we wonder why we’re living in a mental health crisis!
Attitudes at Work
Many women in the workplace feel some level of guilt towards getting pregnant within the first couple of years of starting a new job. Anecdotally, even many women as well as their male counterparts will criticize other women for this, seeing it as rude and inconsiderate toward the employer. For so many women, getting pregnant can take months or years and so to add this level of consideration to colleagues represents the hostility even on a fundamental level women face when family planning. Of course, men suffer no such hostility since they’re only awarded a meager two-week paternity leave.
Attitudes towards pregnant women and mothers at work show a hierarchy of prioritization where the employer is at the top and the pregnant woman and mother sit firmly at the bottom. If you find yourself thinking that the employer should have the right to enact whatever is right for the company i.e. making more money, then you’ll find yourself representing the rights of those to make money over the rights of women to work; given it’s women who are inherently affected by this should they choose to become mothers.
Therefore
There’s so much further I could go that I’m considering writing a book on the subject, in the meantime if you want more facts I recommend you check out Louise Perry’s podcast Maiden, Mother, Matriarch and Mary Harrington.
For now, women are left to traverse the ever-hostile environment toward mothers.
