4 Parenting Tips for Busy Working Parents
Parenting tips for busy working parents on how to use 15 minutes check-ins to help you improve your relationship with your children.
Parenting is hard, but these easy quick 4 parenting tips for busy working parents will give you a plan to make it easier and help you improve your relationship with your children.
I don’t know about you, but it’s so easy to spend a lot of time with my kids and not pay attention to them. WOW, that sounded horrible! But honestly, as life gets busier and as my kids grow older, more things compete with our time together: my work, their activities, getting the house somewhat decent to live in…
The amount of time that we spend together can give me a false sense of connection with them, and working with kids an parents for more than 15 years has taught me that this connection is vital for preventing future problems in our kids’ lives.
My wife and I are pretty busy with four boys at home, work, church, and life in general. One of the tricks that has helped me connect with our boys is to intentionally spend “Check-up” times with each of our boys throughout the day. I try to make sure that these “check-ups” add up to at least 15 minutes, and it has helped my relationship with them a great deal.
I’m not saying that you should only spend 15-minutes of quality time with your kids, but these “check-ups” can help you know what is going on in their lives, make them feel important, and introduce or prepare for deeper conversations for later.
Here are four easy steps on how to start your “check-ups” today:
1. Be intentional.
Make sure to set one clear goal for your time with your kid, and don’t feel like you have to cover everything in that time. Remember that you are mainly trying to strengthen your relationship with him/her, not build a database.
For example: everyday, when I pick up my boys from the bus, Gabe (14) and Josh (10) race home, while Zach (12) walks with me and David (6). During that time I make sure to ask Zach about his day, homework, and give him some loving words or a hug. My goal is to make sure he feels I care about him.
Ok, now it’s your turn. Think about a clear goal for your time today with your kid.
Write it down or say it aloud … Good!
Now let’s find the time.
2. Make it part of your routine.
Finding time to talk to your kid can feel like another item to put in the never-ending “To-do” list. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Most of us already spend time with our kids, driving them from place to place, giving them food, or watching a show together. Any of these moments can be transformed into quality-time.
For example: we had chickens a couple of years ago, and every day before work, I fed them and gave them water. During this time, Joshua (4 at the time) would join me and helped me do my chores. I would take the time to pay attention to whatever he wanted to talk about, and I would always thank him and tell him that I love him. My goal was to help him feel loved and important.
OK, take a little time and think about your day; what part of your routine can you transform into a “Check-up” time?
Write it down or say it aloud again … Great!
Now that you have a clear goal and time, let’s think about the future.
3. Plant seeds for future conversations
Seeds come in different shapes and sizes, and so it is with our “conversation seeds.” (I know, a bit cheesy, but keep reading)
You can’t expect to have a great harvest if you haven’t planted or watered some seeds. OK, I’ll stop with the gardening analogy, but this is my point: introducing future subjects and letting your kids know that you are there for them can save you a lot of headaches and make it easier on you later in life.
For example: When my oldest son, Gabe, was 11yr., I dropped hints that we were going to talk about the body changes he will experience that summer for about two months. I would joke with him that he stinks because he is becoming a manly man, or I’d tell him that soon girls are going to be paying more attention to him, and that he needs to care for them as friends. Around the end of the second month, I started to tell him that he was growing up, and that I would be talking to him soon about that. Two weeks later, we had a good talk about it.
A simpler way to plant seeds is to in every “Check-up” remind them that you love them, or that you are there to help them, or that if they have any questions about anything, they can ask you. Pick one and make it fit your situation and your kid’s needs.
OK, time to think about the seed you will plant today.
Got it? Write it down or say it aloud (I know it feels silly, but it helps you commit to it, trust me).
Now, let’s think about watering the seed.
4. Make sure to follow up.
This is the most overlooked step of building a relationship with your kids, but it’s probably the most important because it builds trust.
How can they believe you care if you forget? Help them with the math homework that you promise; find the answer to their question you didn’t know; be patient when they tell you about their problems.
By the way, make sure to have a plan on how to deal with tough issues. Remember, WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH SOMETHING, and your kids are just starting to learn how to handle it.
So, there you have it! Four easy steps on how to start your “check-ups,” and you can start with one today.
Here is A Quick Summary:
- Our busy lives can rob us from connecting with our kids and from knowing what’s going in their lives.
- A daily “Check-up” of at least 15 minutes can help us connect with them and be up-to-date on their lives and struggles.
- These “Check-ups” don’t have to add to your schedule, since any activity can be tweaked to become a Check-up, but they must be intentional.
- “Check-ups” should be used to introduce future conversations or to leave an open invitation for one at any time.
- To show our kids that we care and to build trust, we should always follow up with our promises and/or their questions.
