An Open Letter To My Son
On your 2nd birthday (Feb 20th, 2021)
I am consumed by conflicting feelings of sadness and joy every day.
It’s a little confusing, actually. Something I wasn’t expecting. I first felt it when you learned how to sleep without my help.
Once I had the ability to think again, that is. Once I started to recover from the 5-month long sleep deprivation, and I could think without the fog that my mind had been lumped with.
I suddenly felt like you didn’t need me anymore. At least in that respect.
Why is it that with all good things there must be a comedown? A dwelling sense of grief?
Or should I be looking at it from the other side of the lens?
With everything bad, there is good.
Yes, finally, you learned how to fall asleep! And I could catch-up on my own sleep at last!
But I started to miss the deep breaths that blew across my cheeks when you slept on my chest, your nose brushing my face.
Maybe it is that I failed to see the silver lining before of your desire to sleep on me, and on me alone. I was too tired to focus on the good side — on the snuggles, that in hindsight, I wouldn’t trade for the world.
