Are you sure, your choice is good for all?
As a mother, you might be frequently asking this question every then and now. But are you really sure whenever you are making a choice? Do you experience something like this in your life? And once you make one, what do you do if that’s a wrong choice you made? Something like this happened with me and it was a huge mess!
During the lockdown we have got so much time to spend with our loved ones. I along with my daughter made use of this to the utmost level. We spend our mornings taking meetings, she attending her school and I taking my online teaching classes. When we were done with it, we spend time doing something we loved like cooking, dancing, reading and yes painting. I neverstopped her from getting paint all over her because I felt enjoyment can’t be done by being cautious about the clothes. Once we were done with painting, we would clean ourselves up and then have some rest time before starting with the homework.
This was going well in the initial months of lockdown but gradually we felt short of activities. So, we decided to shift to social media to see what others are doing and get inspiration for us. This was the only intention behind the usage of social media, but as we all know it’s a serious trap!
The moment we started seeing what others are doing, we felt low of ourselves as we haven’t made any single mother-daughter video while doing any of our activities like others. This was alarming at that time, I don’t even know why but we felt so outdated. So, Niya and I decided to make a video of us painting that evening only and we did that and uploaded it on my social media account. We got so many likes, comments from all our loved ones, everyone appreciated our video and that gave us another purpose for the lockdown days.
Now, our focus has shifted to making videos for my account of us having fun. We were cautious about our looks and the way we were painting or sitting and many more. We have even made videos wishing our friends and families on their birthdays. To add on more effects, we used filters and that’s where another problem started. Both Niya and I were enjoying the small fame we got from our family and friends. Niya after attending her class used to ask me, ‘Mommy, what will we do today for the video?’ and then we would find inspiration from social media and create our video.
Most of our free time was spend scrolling different social media platforms, although we never get tired of even scrolling one for the whole day, that’s the beauty of it! It doesn’t let you go. As we were doing that, I never realized what effect it will have on Niya. I wouldn’t have till one day, Niya’s school organized a virtual parent-teacher interaction session and in that session, her mother-teacher told me that Niya wasn’t performing well since the past few days as she appeared to be lost in her thoughts. She doesn’t respond in the class as she used to and also doesn’t turn her video on during the classes which were unusual because she loved doing that.
I felt a bit guilty for doing wrong to my child. There was a feeling of embarrassment and failure as a mother. I didn’t know what to do now to mend it but the only solution that came to my mind was to talk to Niya about it. Although she is small but she is my go-to-person and she can tell me better about herself than anyone else can.
In that evening, we didn’t scroll and Niya also didn’t ask me why because she has heard her teacher telling me about her class performance. I made fruit salad for both of us and talked to Niya. I asked her, ‘What’s going on, Niya?’
Before I could ask anything else, she was in tears and I was in guilt, again. I asked her, ‘What happened? Why are you crying? Is there something that you want to share, Niya?’
In a crying tone, she continued, ‘Mommy, I am not beautiful.’
I was shocked to hear that from a 5-year old kid. I asked her, ‘Who told you this?’
She said, ‘I know it! That is why we use filters to send our pictures to our family groups. I am not as pretty as other girls in my class and that’s why I don’t turn my video on. I feel stupid. That’s why I don’t want to respond to ma’am.’
I was in tears seeing my little child struggling with self-acceptance and wrong illusions about her. I hugged her then and there and told her that she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
She hugged me back and asked, ‘Really?’
I said, ‘Without a doubt, girl. You are!’
And we never talked about it again. We stopped scrolling as it was affecting my child and also me. We preferred sleeping to getting any inspiration for our no-activity days. I didn’t ask Niya to turn her video on or to respond but after few days that happened itself. I heard her answering her teacher while her video was on. Her confidence was back which was lost because she was comparing herself with other children. But, actually, she was missing the attention from her mommy and when that attention was back, Niya was back again.
Sometimes, we don’t realize what we are doing but our choices make a huge difference not just in our lives but in the lives of the people surrounding us. So, make sure you choose wisely before jumping or getting along with the majority.
Did you ever hear a weird statement from your kid that was alarming and a question to your motherhood? Feel free to share in the comments.
