Jan 2, 2021
Breaking Point: A (Pandemic) School Rant
Over the weekend, I opened up the parent account for my 7th-grade daughter’s online grade book. The new trimester began three weeks ago, and this was my first real check-in. I waded into the virtual classrooms and soon found myself drowning in missing assignments. My wife was doing the same for our son with similar results. We were hoping they'd be on autopilot with a middle schooler and a high schooler by this time. In our hearts, we knew the truth. History has taught us differently.
My kids are equal parts sweet, snarky, smart, sarcastic, irreverent, creative, strong-willed, funny, and interesting. They also struggle with executive functioning skills, focus, and motivation. The school has been a challenge for them. Because of this, I’ve seen their self-image and confidence erode over the last few years as they face failure after failure at school. They’ve been through a series of losses that have taken a cumulative toll.
They’re stuck in a cycle of wanting to do better, trying, losing focus, missing assignments, getting behind, seeing the task as insurmountable, losing motivation, failing, giving up, and then trying to dig out of huge holes to salvage what they can of their grades. Then a new week/quarter/semester starts, and the cycle begins anew.
I know this cycle well. It was the same for me in school, and my biggest parenting failure is that I couldn’t save them from this. Some of this is definitely on me. But I also feel angry at the system. I’m angry that the school hammers them for their weaknesses and seldom highlights and utilizes their strengths. I hate how many schools and their struggles create tension at home and harm our relationship.
I’m also feeling angry about this school year in particular. In a regular year, school is tough for us. During the pandemic, remote learning is a nightmare. My wife and I take turns between Zoom meetings to sprint down the hall, wake our kids up, check in on them during class, and redirect their attention. It helps my Fitbit step count but not my sanity.
I’m angry that we’re trying to pretend things are normal. I’m angry about the amount of work they’re getting. I’m angry that we’re doing standardized assessments. I’m angry that it seems we’re more worried about academics than their emotional well-being. I’m angry that they have to perform all of these tasks on screens and devices that add obstacles to an uphill slog.
I know there are lots of things I can do differently as a parent to help them. Confession: I haven’t done as many of these things as I should. I will own that. There are more books I need to read, more podcasts to listen to, and an array of action steps to take. At the same time, though, I fear that in trying so hard to fit these round pegs into square holes, we’re whittling away some of the best parts of them. That makes me sad. I wish the system worked better for kids who are wired differently. Kids who aren’t good at being students.
The parts of my anger addressed at the pandemic situation will be resolved when things return to something resembling normal. The deeper issues will remain. As a public school teacher of 15 years, I usually bite my tongue. I understand how difficult the job of a teacher is. But as a parent, I’m nearing my breaking point. It’s been smoldering, and distance learning poured fuel onto the fire. I’m not sure if there’s a solution, but at the very least, I wanted to record these thoughts. If anyone is in a similar situation, please know you aren’t alone.
