Children Can Never Find Anything
But I can — honestly
I’m good at finding things. In fact, I’m great. I’d even go as far as to say I’m the best — no equals.
Okay, I may be overcompensating. But when something goes missing — keys, a shoe, that pair of glasses right there on your head — I’m more than capable of helping out. The problem is, I’ve got a bit of a reputation.
As far as my family are concerned, I’m useless. It’s a waste of time even asking me, apparently — I couldn’t even find my own nose. And it’s given me a bit of a complex about the whole thing.
My mother is the one to blame. I’m sure at some point soon after meeting my partner, she told her, ‘oh don’t ask him to help, he can never find anything.’ And it stuck.
Okay, I’m forever forgetting where I put my phone, and I’ve accidentally left the remote control in the fridge a worrying number of times — but who hasn’t? And I’ve got this ‘thing’ with kitchen utensils — if something has been put back in the wrong place, then that place could be in my hands and I wouldn’t see it. But those are my only real blind spots.
The point is, when I put the effort in, I can find things. I even had a job that was literally doing just that — I was handpicked to search through a massive warehouse to locate missing items! And I was good…
