I chose to be gentle

“Daddy…”. The small voice floated down the corridor. My 5-year-old boy was calling once again.

My wife had already completely blown her top at him earlier in the evening and left him a screaming, crying mess, after a solid 30 mins of him shouting, running around naked, being rude, rolling around on the floor instead of getting ready for bed… in other words, normal 5-year-old behavior I guess.

I was tired after picking up the pieces of my broken little boy and putting him to bed. I wanted to eat dinner. I wanted to watch some Netflix. I wanted to drink some beer.

I opened his door and looked at the little face peering anxiously at me. I asked him what he wanted. He told me, “I want you to help me adjust my pillow.”

I took a deep breath. I thought about telling him to adjust the damn thing himself. I thought about warning him I’d send his mom in. I thought about telling him how tired I was and to please stop bothering me.

Instead, I walked in and shifted the pillow gently upwards. “How’s that?”

“Um… just a little bit higher, I think.”

Another half-inch up. “Better?”

“Um, yup, that feels good.”

“That’s great, buddy. But you can actually do this yourself, can’t you?”—a tiny nod.

I kissed him on the head and told him I love him. Very much. He smiled and told me he loves me too.

And that was it. After 15 minutes of lying quietly, he was asleep.

I’m just so glad I didn’t lose my shit at him. I’m so glad I was a safe haven for him tonight. I’m not a perfect parent by any means, but I just wanted to share this single moment of success in my parenting journey.