Kids can be *******assholes.
Chapter 1: Listen to what they’re not telling you.
Not every woman is born with the innate, natural, biological desire to have kids. I know, right, shock horror, say whaaaat!!!! Despite this, there may come a time that, for whatever reason, you feel the need to embark on this journey, you know to be like “normal” people. After all, isn't that the only way to validate your life? Coming from someone who had no desire to procreate but fell to social pressures, I decided to go with the flow and was fortunate to be blessed with a healthy child. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it was a beautiful moment. Screw that shit. Firstly, giving birth can be a completely magical experience blah blah fairy dust, but it can also be a freaking brutal slasher movie type affair. Humiliating, utterly degrading, not words often associated with childbirth, but they bloody well should be, not to put people off but to just shed some light on the flipping reality of it all.
All you birth book writers out there, if possible, in between your spiel about breathing (which is actually very important), music and god knows what else try adding, you may shit yourself and cover yourself in vomit. All whilst someone inserts their entire hand up your birthing canal as you lie there suffocating in pain. Yes, giving birth is painful, but so are all the internal examinations they give you. Why the hell do they not tell you that in those oh so informative prenatal classes? I’ll tell you why it’s because if anyone goes around upsetting many pregnant ladies, they will be cast out of society even if they tell you the truth.
“Think about that for a moment, you won’t ever be told the harsh reality of pregnancy, birth or post-birth because it’s considered far too stressful and upsetting…WTF”
I’ve noticed that parents will never tell anyone without kids just how shockingly shite having kids can be. What they will do is become very, very interested in when you’re likely to join the mummy group. They will make you feel like you’re missing out with that assuming tone that it’s clearly something you have to do, so why not just get on with it? Let me tell you this, secretly it’s because they can’t stand the fact you still have a life and don’t need a bloody babysitter to have a night out. They look at you almost mournfully and remember a life they once had, one which they will never have again.
“No mother will ever tell you that spending a day with their child can be totally maddening and utterly depressing. I mean who would actually admit to that and then follow up with “so when you having kids’?”
Listen up, mummy friends, you have the power to be really useful to all those expectant mothers. I’m not saying scare the shit out of them, but being honest and offering advice that could really help someone.
Tell them that motherhood can be the most isolating place globally, but the right support in place can make one feel less alone. Tell them there may be times where they think, “what have I done” but this won’t last forever. Tell them that becoming a mother can feel like waking up in a mental asylum and screaming out loud, “I’m not mad whilst no one listens to you.” Tell them there will be times when their baby will take them to the depths of despair, yet paradoxically will also become the very reason for their heartbeats. It’s a different kind of beat, the kind you can only experience once you become a mother.
Privately in your isolated world, you will recognize the enormity of your role as the mother whilst simultaneously almost ceasing to exists as a person, like you. The person you were will take a vacation, maybe for a while, but they will be different when they come back. You can’t have a child and expect to be the same person; it’s simply not possible, so get your head around that and move on. It gets easier, they say, no, it doesn't; it just gets different, and you evolve more. Get ready for the sea saw ride of your life. There will be ups, and there will be downs, and there will be rock bottoms. When you’re looking at those idyllic baby pictures on the nappy packets and buying your first cute outfits, remember, kids can be ******* assholes, but they will change the way your heart beats forever.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for Chapter 2, where I’ll shed some light on resentment, potentially a more insightful read for the partners.
