Raising trilingual children: questions we get asked!
and answers.
After the article “Top tips on raising trilingual children: how our kids spoke 3 languages at age 4” I received a couple of interesting messages and a few questions asking for clarification or details. I decided to write a follow up article answering some of the questions plus added questions I typically get from family and strangers alike.
Our children are 6 and 4,5 years old, and they speak Portuguese, Danish and English.
They speak Portuguese with me and my family. In a typical year we go to Portugal during the summer and my family take turns visiting throughout the year. My parents and young nieces and nephews only speak Portuguese, so going to Portugal is very good for our children because they can’t sprinkle words from other languages in their sentences, or no one will understand them.
The children speak Danish with my husband, his family and we live in Denmark. They are exposed to Danish daily and hear Danish around them after school and on the weekends.
They go to an English speaking Montessori preschool for 5 to 6 hours a day.
Was/Is your children’s speech delayed?
That is a really hard question to answer. And the answer is complex. But the short answer is no.
We expected our kids to be late speakers because I was a late speaker, and these things can be genetic. But our kids were not particularly late speakers. Nor were they early. So even though we don’t know if they would have spoken earlier in a monolingual setting, being in a trilingual one did not result in any noticeable delay in starting to speak. Sometimes we wish our youngest was quiet for just 2 min to be honest. The talking is incessant! The talking is never ending!
Was/Is the children’s syntax and grammar delayed?
The short answer is yes.
Sometimes one of our children is behind in one or more of the 3 languages they speak compared to the average child. Sometimes they catch up and are exactly where they should be. But they still mix syntax between languages.
Our oldest joined an English speaking Montessori school at 19 months old. One day, the teachers mentioned we should read more books, because the English vocabulary development was low to average. We explained we read plenty of books but that it would be of no help to them, since those were not in English. The teachers were thankfully very understanding of our approach. And within 6 months, the development of the English vocabulary was back on track with the rest of the class, with no effort or involvement on our part.
Right now, and because I’m the only person speaking to them in Portuguese, I would say my youngest is going through the weakest period in that language. It’s ever evolving! My oldest developed leaps and bounds once we started Portuguese homeschooling at 5,5 so that will probably happen with the youngest as well.
Do you use electronic resources for language learning?
We follow the Montessori method of education, and our kids don’t normally have access to electronic resources. We have never used any language videos or shows for language learning. If you want to know more about how Montessori works for us please let me know in the comments. Occasionally, our children watch a video about something they are learning about at school such as the solar system for example. In that case, if they watch it at school, they watch it in English and if it’s at home, they watch it in the language of the person chatting to them about it. These rare occasions of screen time are about a specific topic and not language learning per say.
Some parents swear by electronic language resources but in our opinion one of the best resources for language learning is song. We listen to music and sing along to the lyrics all the time. In all three languages.
If we are in airports, planes, hospitals waiting rooms, car trips for longer than 45 minutes the children have access to a tablet. The tablets don’t have language apps but any downloaded shows are in Portuguese or Danish and the games are in Portuguese or English. They don’t watch cartoons.
These resources are not developed for language learning but because they are in Portuguese or Danish or English the children do learn new vocabulary. I’m publishing an article with my favorite resources soon.
What languages do your children play in?
It varies. If they play pretend school or pretend to play with their school friends, they play in English. If they play with me or pretend to play something they learned about with me, they play in Portuguese. Half of the time they play in Danish.
What are the most frustrating things about having trilingual children?
Last night I told my youngest to stop sprinkling so many English words into her sentences when speaking to me in Portuguese. Her answer was “mas tu entendes inglês!” which means “but you understand English”. It’s frustrating when they can but don’t want to do it. I explained to her that her Portuguese family doesn’t though so she needs to stick to one language at the time. She replied that I shouldn’t worry as when she is in Portugal she will open the box in her brain where all the Portuguese words are. She is 4,5 years old and I had no idea what to say to that. So I just said let’s use that box when we speak now.
Also they talk quietly in Danish if they don’t want me to understand they are planning something they shouldn’t. It’s a little bit cute and super annoying.
Do you have any fears for your trilingual children?
I’ve lived in 4 different countries and 5 different cities in the last 21 years and I don’t really fit anywhere anymore. To a lesser extent my husband feels the same way. But until I was 18 I lived in Portugal and had a clear identity, and as an adult I can deal with being a citizen of the world and I’m happy with my choices and where those choices took me.
I worry that being trilingual and growing up with three different identities will mean my kids don’t fit anywhere. Maybe even worst, they might not even ever know what fitting somewhere feels like.
Add any other questions, tips or tricks that you use regularly below in the comments!
