Stop Shaming Parents of Little Kids

Luisa Perkins
Modern Parent
Published in
6 min readOct 15, 2020

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You should know better.

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash

I have a lovely friend with four kids, ages eleven to two. They’ve been quarantining since March, just like the rest of us, and it’s been tough. This friend had major surgery last week, and her husband has been juggling childcare and housework and his full-time job ever since. I was texting with him today, expressing empathy, and asking how we could help. While we figured out a plan, he wrote as an aside, “The next person to say ‘you’ll miss these days’ might get punched.”

Oh, I got mad when I realized that people have been saying that to them, which is why I had to sit down and write this article. Those well-meaning patronizers are probably the same people who tell women that they’ll forget the pain of childbirth once they’re holding their precious baby in their arms.

I’ve had six (beautiful! delightful!) children. But I’ve never forgotten the searing pain of my perineum ripping or the bones of my pelvis separating as I pushed something the size of a melon out of my body.

Or the intense cramps as my uterus contracted back to its regular size.

Or the dull, constant burn of my C-section stitches healing.

Or that one time one of my babies was born with her arm over her eyes — which sounds adorable until I tell you about the tiny but…

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Luisa Perkins
Modern Parent

Novelist, foodie, francophile. Top Writer in Books. My Patronus is our corgi, Moneypenny.