Stop Telling Moms How to Squeeze More Exercise Into Their Day
As socially-distanced life drags on, I’ve read more articles geared towards moms like me — on how to stay active by squeezing short bursts of exercise into daily life. And I have to say…stop. Please. Just stop.
Pre-pandemic, the gym was my oasis. Granted, I still felt guilty about going no matter how much I told myself that it was critical to my health, that I was setting a good example for my daughter, that I was so much happier and engaged when I came home. But guilt and all, I’d go to the gym and spend 90 minutes working out, showering, and changing with no one banging at the door or physically clinging to me. It was truly heavenly. We still need this. We don’t need to be told that physical fitness is one more thing we can squeeze in at home. Isn’t it obvious that we already fit in too much?
I don’t want tips on toning my triceps while making dinner for the kids and bathing them. I don’t want to practice “extra challenging” yoga because there’s a baby climbing on my back. I don’t want to do squats on the way to a lunch plate of toddler leftovers.
I want 45 uninterrupted minutes to focus on a real workout. Afterward, I want to dedicate 5–10 minutes to stretching without feeling guilty about it. I even want to shower when I’m done and not have to skip washing my hair because one kid is crying, and the other is repeatedly asking me questions through the curtain.
These “helpful” articles speak volumes about how the average mom is perceived right now. Here are the toxic underlying messages they convey that need to stop:
We should be fine with this incredibly difficult time.
Over the summer, The New York Times published ‘Sneak In Some Exercise.’ The article features an illustration of a woman standing on one leg, washing dishes. She’s balancing more dishes as she performs a barre-style exercise to strengthen her glutes with a serene smile. This is not real life. Things are actually not okay. The fact that images like this even exist is a huge part of the problem. No woman balances everything perfectly, gets in some exercise, and feels at peace with the whole situation.
It’s unacceptable for our fitness to slip.
We should feel guilty about not keeping ourselves in better physical condition. There’s no grace for the fact that we’re so busy taking care of everyone else, we cannot prioritize half an hour for our own workout. Instead of focusing on the reality that we have no time nor energy left, the focus remains on how to squeeze in even more and power through.
We don’t deserve dedicated fitness time…
…that this is luxury rather than essential. We’re repeatedly told how important it is to our long-term physical health to get 30 minutes of moderate activity every day. How if we don’t, we’re setting ourselves up to suffer from chronic disease, insomnia, and overall shortened life spans. The proven benefits to our mental health are also acknowledged.
Yet where are the articles helping us carve out the time for cardio? Where are the life hacks for leaving the family to fend for themselves while we exercise? Where are the talking points for how to demand this time from our manager at work? Instead, we’re supposed to settle for using a bouncy exercise ball as an office chair and lifting a set of hand weights discreetly during Zoom calls.
Our exercise is first and foremost in our family’s best interest
Wait, what about our needs? Are we even supposed to have those?
I recently came across this particularly cringe-worthy article from Lifehack on exercise tips for working moms. Towards the end, the author writes,
You Can Do This!
Moms, we need you! Not just to be alive, but to be involved and active in our lives. Your husband needs you. Your babies need you. Hell, the entire world needs you.
What would life be like without moms? What would life be like for your children without the warm and caring love of their mom? What would life be like for your husband without your intimate love and support for him and the family?
It is true that if you follow these tips, you will lose weight. But most importantly, if you follow these tips, you will create a mind and body that will give you the energy and strength you need to guide your family through the beautiful journey that is life.
Even reading that makes me feel exhausted. Apparently, being physically fit is just another way that we can better serve our families.
Exercise is only one small example of the absurd social expectations we’re facing as women. Articles that offer these quick tips are misguided attempts to treat our symptoms while ignoring the primary illness. Mothers are being asked to do more than ever for less than ever. We’re fed up, and we’re burned out.
I cannot tolerate another idea to build exercise into my chaotic days secretly. I will not tack it on to my never-ending To-Do list. If I can actually do a proper workout uninterrupted, I’ll (literally) jump at the opportunity. If I can’t, then it’s not from a lack of motivation or creativity.
So please, save the judgment and the guilt trip. Unless you’re going to acknowledge that a proper exercise routine is essential for our own wellbeing and unless you’re going to get us the time and space to prioritize it realistically, I’ll be using my 7 seconds of peace to drink my coffee and eat a doughnut… without the burpees.
