Why is Being a Mom Lonely?
I know, I know!
New motherhood is a time period praised for being “the best years of our lives.” I beg to differ. The best years of my life were spent in college, where play was the name of the game and responsibility was nowhere to be found.
New motherhood, formerly said to last from newborn-3 years of age, is a time of intense identity crises, sleep deprivation that will turn you into an angry wolf beast, and enough toddler meltdowns to make you consider running away — at least for awhile. And it’s all happening at once! I guess new motherhood is exciting.
“But they’re so cute!” A stranger will say as you try and paint a semi-realistic picture of what you’re dealing with day in and day out — which you will want to respond by punching them square in the face because cute doesn’t cut it when you receive no recognition, no thanks, and no reprieve from the onslaught of momming.
The reason why being a mom is lonely is because no one else but you gets it.
You can have friends or co-workers who have similar experiences in their motherhood journeys — which is helpful — but yours is unique to you, which is why those days alone with the baby feel so isolating.
I believe this to be the reason why wealthy moms resort to facials, waxes, blowouts, botox, and a slew of other indulgent activities — to try and regain their sense of self. Or why the career mommies throw themselves in work — to try and escape it all.
Do you know what new moms need?
SUPPORT. Support from our friends, family, spouses, neighbors, and healthcare providers. And I’m talking about more than a “how are you holding up?” text and meal train, here.
New mothers need to know they are cared for, and they need to actually be cared for.
Do you know what new moms don’t need?
We don’t need the latest product recommendations to sleep train our baby or “adorable” outfits to take them home from the hospital.
While those glossy magazine articles on “How This Mom Does it All!” are enticing and even inspiring at first glance, I think they do more harm than good because GUESS WHAT.
We know how she does it all. She has nannies and night nurses and home staff taking care of the not so fun parts of parenting, while the rest of us are doing all of that ourselves because why? Oh right. We aren’t celebrities.
Solidarity in Motherhood
What a new mom needs is a fellow mom to come over when we’re in the throes of newborn caretaking hell to let us take a shower, and then take a shot of tequila with us as a sign of new-motherhood-is-hard solidarity.
Thank you for reading.
Ashley is a writer based in Connecticut, specializing in wellness and mindset health. She believes our weirdness is what makes us great.