My First Day Sober
My last drink was 25 oz. of Jack Daniels; I saved the last ounce for the next day. I awoke with my usual mixture of panic and confusion, but something wasn’t quite right. I had been having problems lately with cognition, attention, focus, and vision and had been to the doctor on several occasions, believing I was dying of some horrible illness.
Turns out I was: alcoholism.
The doctor kept running the required tests, and all the results kept coming back negative. The science told me there was nothing physically wrong, so why, then, did I feel like I was dying?
Each time I went in for tests, as I was leaving, the doctor would ask me the same question:
“Have you been to AA yet?”
Of course, I had not been to AA. Why would alcohol be the problem? It’s been fine for 19 years; it's expensive, but fine. My girlfriend had been on me to quit drinking; she wanted kids, but not with a drunk.
Still, I called AA that morning, not sure what to expect. It wasn’t long before someone called me back and told me he was coming by to take me to a meeting.
A what?
I had recently been hounded by Amway reps, and I was a little frightened by the idea of a stranger on the phone coming to my house. But my addled and confused brain left me, and I ran on pure instinct and feeling when I said,
“OK.”
We drove into the parking lot of the Cricket Club and went into the building. A few people were milling about the coffee set-up, looking at a book, and chatting. Of course, my ride took me straight to the coffee table.
I don’t even drink coffee.
After a few murmured hellos, we all went and sat around tables that formed a giant square. I shuffled along, avoiding eye contact.
Bynow I was certain I was in the wrong place. How could these strange men help keep me from dying if my doctor couldn’t? I reluctantly looked up when someone asked if anyone was there for the first time. I began to look at the other faces sitting around the table, all focused on me.
Then everything made sense.
As I looked across the room, my doctor gave me a little nod.
I was in the right place.
