What in the World is a Cocaine Tampon?
When Cocaine Was a Girl’s Best Friend
Okay, gals, gather ‘round.
Let's talk about history’s most famous “Are you kidding me?” medical marvel.
The cocaine tampon.
Yes, you heard that right. Back in the day, when doctors were dishing out cocaine like candy at a parade, women’s nether regions were not left out of the party.
Let’s set the scene: It’s the 19th to early 20th century, and the medical community is riding the cocaine train hard. Got a headache? Cocaine. Toothache? Cocaine. Broken heart? Probably cocaine.
But what about those uniquely female “discomforts”? Enter the cocaine tampon, the Swiss Army knife of gynecological remedies.
Painful childbirth? Cocaine tampon.
Urethral pain? Cocaine tampon to the rescue.
Uncomfortable sex? Cocaine tampons all around!
And yes, even for those poor, chafed nipples, a cocaine tampon was apparently the answer.
Because it is not quite relief until numbing your body parts.
But wait, there’s more! Not to be outdone by mere cocaine, some tampons were soaked in opium and belladonna, because why stop at one substance when you can have three? These were not your average Tampax. These were pain-relieving, hoo-haa-relaxing, probably-get-you-high-as-a-kite tampons.
Elizabeth Sherman, from the New Orleans Pharmacy Museum, tells us that many women’s tonics back then were basically a cocktail of alcohol and opiates.
Party at my uterus, anyone?
Elaine Scarry once said that pain is indescribable, but if anything comes close to capturing it, it’s the medical tools of yesteryear. Imagine walking into a 19th-century doctor’s office and being greeted with hypodermic needles, probes, and a cocaine-soaked tampon.
In the 21st century, the legacy of the cocaine tampon takes a bizarre turn. Thanks to Heard’s innovative recycling tip from her sister, we’ve discovered that no applicator need ever feel unfulfilled in their life’s purpose again. This revelation not only completes the journey of the “cocaine tampon” from obscurity to fame but also showcases the limitless creativity of humans when it comes to repurposing everyday items for their escapades (pun intended).
In the world of make-do and mend, it seems the sky — or perhaps the nostril — is the limit.
So, there you have it, girls: the cocaine tampon.
A testament to the weird world of women's medical history. It’s a reminder that no matter how advanced we think we are, future generations will undoubtedly look back at some of our practices and ask, “What were they smoking?” (The answer, of course, might just be opium-laced tampons.)
