3 Nasty Reasons Your Smug Married Friends Are Mean
If you think adulting is hard as nails try being a married adult
Do your married friends say getting marriage is a rite of passage to grown ass adulting? Don’t be fooled by their smug look. They are having a hard time.
They will admit to it only in moments as rare as the Loch Ness monster sighting.
Moments of weakness like the end of an especially hard day or alcohol induced moments of truth.
Your married friends have definitely gone through a rite of passage.
If you are single (happy or otherwise) you probably denounce married people as mean, fake & boring. But it may be interesting to understand why your married friends act like they know a secret you don’t.
Married people face hate.
Married society is akin to being in the marines.
You do the drill…OR….watch out!
One minute you are single, the next you are thrown in a dog-eat-dog world. Your married friends face bullying all right. When they enter the married world, single childhood friends may choose to desert them. Married ones may reveal their smug married feathers.
It happened to me.
When my single friends chose to forsake me I thought I would make new married friends. Turns out I was living in la la land, much like Sleeping Beauty! Friendships don’t thrive in the world of the married because this world is held aloft by people banding together for mutual need.
This is what happens to your married friends, especially married girl friends, at least in South Asia where I come from.
-Their spouse’s relations treat them like they are the Terminator come to destroy a tight knit family.
-The intense competition about who has the bigger home, the roomier car or the smartest kid tires them out.
-They don’t fit in singles groups once they have children.
My single friends were happy to make my home their watering hole. When we welcomed our son, they scattered off like mice chased by a cat.
Follows that the smug & mean expression you see on your married friends is a mask which:
-Hides insecurity that comes from being judged all the time
-Lets them escape the competition
-Holds up their boundaries
Your bravely married girl friends are in agony.
You probably know that in certain cultures, like Asian societies, family is the kingdom. Patriarchy is the ruling monarch. The lucky chap lives like in his pre married days in many homes. Which means a man finds it easy to be pleasant & outgoing. He doesn’t do the marriage drill, his wife does. The drill is mainly kowtowing to her spouse’s family. She places them for years at the center of her world, but they think of her as next to naught. This means she can be used as a punching bag at any time. Ouch!
Damn her if she’s direct about the abuse, screw her over if she isn’t!
She’s in a Catch 22 & she is only preserving her shreds of dignity with the mean, smug mask.
Your married friends are just holding it together, not adulting like pros.
This article says that marriage is the adulthood for grown ass people. They are right, it does demand significantly more of adults. Your married friends have to hold jobs & run households. Of course, singles do that too. But they easily escape the other rigmarole, the duties which can turn nightmarish. Duties like bringing up children, buying homes & buying the family wheels. But we as a society don’t allow the married to complain, because they have the privilege of being a couple. In reality they are sucked into the Devil’s trap, forced to prove themselves better than their other married friends. We expect the married to be experts at juggling responsibilities. At most times they are only pretending to be. Any wonder their claws are always drawn out?
Are you single with married friends?
Your married friends support your “I’m lonely” phases, your terrible date stories & your “I’m going to die single & a virgin (maybe)” rants. In return you can judge them a little less & understand them a little more.
From personal experience I can tell you that they will gladly reciprocate the love.
Are you smugly married? Be easy on your married friends. It will make your life easier too.
I was a philosopher & dreamer marching to tunes I made in my head. My idea of coupling was adding “Chapel of love” to my playlist. I was taken by surprise. Marriage has become me sidestepping the nasty tunes others push me to march to.
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