4 Signs You Have Crossed the Line with Your Partner
Your Partner Is Not Your Therapist
When we fall in love with someone, our connection transforms into its private realm. Mysteries, traumatic events, and early life memories are openly shared in the hopes of being recognized, embraced, and supported by others.
Our partners develop into a secure environment for comprehension and contemplation of our issues, worries, and insecurities over time. But could they inadvertently shoulder some of the burdens of recovery as well?
Why Do We Share in Relationships?
The foundation of a connection between two people is frequently based on emotional openness and extreme honesty. Our capacity to adore and value our partners increases as we learn more about them. Sharing is a type of intimacy frequently used to find oneself in a relationship with others and lay the groundwork for a flourishing and long-lasting connection, according to 2019 research on attachment in young adults.
Other studies show that healthy disclosure can increase views of intimacy and improve the relationship in addition to mentally tying lovers together. The barriers come tumbling down when someone enters our heavenly world, which houses our innermost emotions and ideas. The relationship could develop into one that can address both individual and shared issues over time.
It’s good to have someone there for our full emotional expression. But there is a fine line between sharing childhood traumas to learn about our problems and burdening the dynamic with excessive caretaking or potential resentment.
Why Can’t Our Partner Be Our Therapist?
Let’s look at what a romantic partner companion is and isn’t accountable for. Responding, supporting, hearing, caring, understanding, sharing, loving, valuing, and being there for each other are characteristics of a good partnership.
To strengthen close relationships, emotional availability can also take the form of being understanding of requirements, coping with life’s ups and downs, and participating in constructive dispute resolution. This kind of reciprocation creates a nourishing affection with defined boundaries.
Reasonable Assistance Can Take Several Forms
We have a personal stake in seeing our companions through their difficulties when we care about them. However, that very desire has the potential to unintentionally transform the interdependent relationship into a codependent relationship, which negates the potential development benefits of counseling and may have unfavorable effects.
Our companion must be just one of many people we can rely on for those reasons. According to research on emotional resilience, having a large and active social network of friends and family can increase the number of advantages, such as lowered tension and better mood disorders.
Our partners often know us better than others. They know about our family dynamics, past experiences, worries, goals, and dreams. We lean on them for support. And yet, they can’t be our therapists.
Why Therapy May Be Helpful
A mental health expert should be consulted when the limit has been hit. Counseling can significantly raise a person’s quality of life by giving them a private setting to discuss their issues and reframe their experiences to develop better-coping mechanisms.
The therapy interaction is naturally one-sided and professional, allowing the patient to receive the concentrated and objective care required, which is why it is so successful. A therapist is qualified to offer new viewpoints, techniques, and tools for healthy and long-lasting change and co-create a treatment plan with clients for wanted development.
A romantic partner may have the best intentions to help but could be listening with an agenda or subjective emotions or just needing more knowledge, tools, skillset, or capacity to help at the level required. On the other hand, a therapist is entirely focused on their client’s growth and healing.
Our Partners Cannot Be Everything
People listening to a loved one struggle with a persistent issue may want to give solutions because they do not want to see their partner in agony. However, using this problem-solving strategy, the attuned companion might step into more ambiguous terrain.
The attuned partner may have personal beliefs and feelings that affect their guidance, or they may find it challenging to communicate their real feelings out of fear that doing so will be perceived as a transgression. Or, even worse, as the other partner’s issues dominate the partnership, the assisting spouse may feel emotionally abandoned.
How to Tell If You Are Using Your Partner As Your Therapist
Here are a few indicators to help you distinguish between depending on your spouse and using them as a therapist if you still need to be more optimistic.
— The Relationship is Codependent
The term “relationship when each individual engaged is psychologically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually dependent on the other” refers to codependency. A severe power imbalance can result when one spouse devotes too much time, effort, and attention to one individual.
You might inadvertently overburden the relationship by becoming excessively dependent on your partner to help you manage your feelings and only listen to their advice. Additionally, the companion might start to feel uncomfortable speaking up, which can result in repressed feelings and frustration.
— The Dynamic Feels One-Sided
Healthy relationships require give-and-take. In this situation, one person receives more than the other. The giving partner may initially be thrilled to provide so much support, but it can be easy for them to forget their emotional needs and priorities.
As the partner in need escalates dependency, the giving partner may feel more like a caregiver instead of being equals in a reciprocal relationship. Over time, the pressure can make them feel unseen.
— The Issues You Need Help With Are Deep and Systemic
Sharing your feelings with someone is one thing, but asking them to explain your life’s events to make you feel better is quite another. Having your partner purposefully lead you in your healing and make them accountable for your processing differs from talking to them about your irritable colleague or an ongoing issue with a family member. No matter how wonderful your spouse is, their responsibility is too much to manage.
— The Overwhelming Emotions Lead to Avoidance
Your companion will try Everything in their power to make you feel better in pain. However, using your companion as your therapist might influence how the two of you express love and find joy in one another. Given the intensity of the feelings involved, you may start withdrawing or avoiding one another due to this degree of caring.
Creating a Healthy Balance
Suppose there’s been a struggle learning what to keep or what to share with a partner, learning limits. The process involves clarifying what is essential to share, including boundaries, needs, expectations, and relevant history that one feels comfortable sharing.
For Everything else, intentional support without jumping into problem-solving mode. One approach is to empower them to manage their problems and ask them questions that place ownership on them. This could look like listening to them and asking what they want to do about the problem or asking how best to support them as they explore their options.
Conclusion
We may want our companions to fulfill all of our needs, but they are only intended to be a remarkable aspect of our lives. Integrating a solid support network and a dependable counselor is the secret to a successful mental health plan to ensure your partnership stays a healthy part of your life.
