Advice to the Mama Trying to Conceive
I wish I’d known then what I know now and maybe it can help you
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I think some little girls just know these things early on. For me, it was never question about if I was going to be a mom, but rather when.
Little did I know, my journey to motherhood wouldn’t be very easy some 20 years later. I was a healthy 24 year-old newly-minted wife, college graduate, home owner and in the best shape of my life, yet, I couldn’t conceive.
Around this same time, I lost my job due to budget cuts. This sent me spiraling into a deep depression that was only amplified by the fact that I couldn’t seem to get pregnant. Sitting here writing this, I think my story might help other women who might find their selves in the same boat.
Stress is Real
As I mentioned, I was under a lot of stress around the time we started trying to conceive our first baby. My husband was a full-time college student attending on the GI Bill from his military service and working odd jobs to supplement. To say money was tight would’ve been an understatement. So, by me losing my job, it put us both under a lot of pressure.
The financial stress of our situation was amplified by our inability to get pregnant. Even though times were tight, we both wanted to have a baby and knew we’d find the way to take care of not only each other, but any children we would be blessed with as well. I knew I’d find another job and my husband was close to graduating and he’d find a decent job, too.
However, that’s not how things turned out. We were constantly at each other’s throats over bills and other expenses. When you fight a lot, you really don’t want to have sex with each other. The stress of our finances wreaked havoc on my mind and body. My anxiety was out of control (at the time I wasn’t on medication for it) and my eating habits weren’t great.
Tip 1: Try not to stress out while TTC! I know it’s hard. But, minimize stress in tiny ways to give your body and mind a chance to relax.
Discover Your Body
Ever since I first got my period at age 12 my cycle has been wonky. Early on it came fast and hard — to the point that I’d be doubled over in bed some nights in so much pain I thought I’d die. My mom would buy me liquid Tylenol because I had a hard time swallowing pills. My grandmother gave me one of those old-school hot water rubber bag things to put on my uterus when it flaired up.
Later on I’d find out that I have a mild version of Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Throughout my teens and early 20s I didn’t do the research or push for answers to the heavy periods and pain I occurred. I was just okay with being put on the pill at 16 and never thinking about my cycle until we started trying after our wedding (age 24 for me).
I figured I’d go off the pill the month before our wedding and BAM, I’d get pregnant the next month. Boy was I wrong!
Two and a half years. That’s how long it took me to get pregnant. For most of those months, I guessed when my period would show up. We tried randomly. I didn’t do the things you should do when trying to get pregnant like eat healthy, keep my hips elevated after the act, and track my cycle.
All of these things prevented me from getting pregnant. By me not being in touch with my own body and not looking at the things that might have been preventing me from getting pregnant, I was in a way stopping it from happening.
Tip 2: Track your period. Get a Lisa Frank notebook and write that shit down! Get a fertility monitor and use an app if you need to. I credit this with helping me get pregnant with my first baby.
Trust Your Instincts
Writing this today, I’m 39 years-old. I like to think I’ve grown a lot since I was the wide-eyed 24 year-old that wanted to be a mom. I’ve been a mom for 12 years now. I have two children. I had two miscarriages between my sons. If you are doing the math, I had my first baby at 27. I spent just over two years infertile.
The thing is I knew deep down that I was always going to have a hard time getting pregnant. From the time I was a teenager, I knew. Those God damn cramps were my sign. Going on the pill at 16 masked my problems until it was actually time for me to deal with it.
I didn’t trust my instincts when I knew it would be hard. I didn’t listen to my body when it took it time to adjust to life post-BC pill. I didn’t ask my doctor why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I was stubborn and naive to think it would just happen. Looking back, I wish I’d listened to that inner voice that understood something was wrong.
Tip 3: Run to your doctor if you’ve been trying for at least 6 months and aren’t getting pregnant. Get all of the tests done, both of you. Get to the root cause of what’s happening. I had a friend that simply had some scar tissue on one of her fallopian tube from a surgery as a teen. It was stoppimg an egg from being released in that tube, severely limiting her chances of conception. She got it repaired after TTC for 4 years. She got pregnant 2 months later. Sometimes it genuinely is an easy fix, and if not, see a specialist. Advocate for your own body and follow those primal intuitions.
I am not a medical professional. I have no medical training and 100% believe there are some women that just can’t get pregnant. It sucks, but it happens. I’m sorry if that’s you and I hope you get your baby someday.
The rest of you can make it happen. There are simply ways to increase your chances of conceiving. I was infertile because I was uninformed about my own body. I was infertile because I made trying to have a baby more important than my own life and the happiness in my marriage. I was infertile because I wanted it too much.
Maybe this sounds like you? Maybe you are just letting fate take the wheel, and if that’s your thing, awesome. But, maybe you aren’t. Maybe you are doing your best to hide your worries and trying to think positively. That’s fine, too.
Don’t be afraid to make some noise when it comes to your fertility. Also, don’t be afraid to take a break. The road to motherhood isn’t the same for us all. It’s a straight path for some and a windy road for others. If you find yourself still on it, I wish you health, happiness, and a dream come true at the end of that road.
