Are You Under Pressure To Look Good?
And is it worse when you’re single or coupled up?
When I worked in a private school, I felt that my appearance was under constant scrutiny.
I was told by senior leaders that the jacket I had was too casual for the dress code, even though it was one I’d bought specifically for work. I was asked by pupils why I wore the same shoes every day. A colleague once asked me if I’d worn the dress I was currently wearing the week before and another commented on the ugliness of a padded jacket that I wore daily in winter when it was freezing cold.
But it wasn’t the first time that I’ve felt under pressure to look good.
It started when I was a teenager attending a school where there was no uniform. For most kids, this is a dream, but for me, it was a nightmare. I don’t naturally have a lot of style. I prefer to look the best that I can with a minimal amount of effort. That means plain clothes, no make-up and a casual brushing of my hair.
I don’t really value my appearance. This is probably because my mum values her appearance (and mine and my brother’s by extension) above all else and this is my form of rebellion. I realised fairly early on that it wasn’t worth competing with her — she’d always be the beautiful one.
When I was a teenager, after a day at school of wearing uncomfortable clothing as I tried desperately to “look cool” I would rush home and put on tracksuit bottoms and a baggy t-shirt, only to have my mum get home and tell me that she hated seeing me wearing such baggy, shapeless clothes and generally looking like a slob.
So I felt under pressure to make an effort when I got home too.
Some people like making an effort with their appearance — both men and women — and on occasion, so do I.
But day to day? It just feels like too much hassle when there are so many other things I’d rather be doing with my time. I also like to feel comfortable. I like clothing that is loose and flowing.
When I was single and dating, I also felt under pressure to look good. There was a lot of competition for dates and given that pictures were the first thing that a potential mate saw about you, you needed to make them look attractive — but not so attractive that your date would run a mile the first time that they saw you in public.
Now I’m in a long-term relationship and I’m trying to think if I felt more pressure to look good when I was single compared to now.
My boyfriend has seen me in every possible state from dressed to the nines to dressed like a slob (which happens a lot more regularly — especially since we both work from home).
He likes it when I make an effort, although he also thinks that I look beautiful just the way I am.
We’ve both gained weight since starting to work from home and are trying our best now to eat more healthily and get some more exercise. I feel that our levels of appearance are pretty similar and I can be myself around him without feeling under pressure to look good.
If I were happily single and not dating, I’d probably still find myself under pressure to look good in certain scenarios, like in the works one above (and always when I see my mum — probably why I don’t see her so much).
I do agree that in work situations, there is a certain need to look “presentable” but that for me doesn’t mean make-up or designer clothes. It means clean hair and neat clothes and I can let my personality do the talking.
Sadly, I think I will always feel some pressure to look good in certain circumstances, though hopefully these will be fewer and fewer as I get older and care less about what others think of me.
