Contemplation of A First Daughter
The struggle’s of every first daughter in Asian family
I don’t know how to start discussing this, mainly because this topic is extremely sensitive for me. I am the first daughter, and grew up in an Asian household. I’m not making this article to compare among last, middle, or first children. But I just want to share how Asian daughters handles with what their families putting on their shoulders.
A little bit of background about me, my dad is a navy so you can imagine that he rarely being around at the house when I was younger. Somehow I became the second parent in the family. I filled in the hole where my dad wasn’t there. My mom used to tell me about her financial situation, sadness, and misery. And thus, I was mature before its time.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate my parents for this. I love them both, and even with these shortcomings, I knew that they were trying their best to take care of 3 children. But there was a lot of my childhood and teenage time spent looking after my younger sisters. I even skipped my playtime with my friends because I had to manage the household. And in the process, I lost many of my friends because of this.
In addition, I used to be so hard on myself. I had to be good at everything. My parents always said that since I am the first daughter, I had to be smart, and well-mannered because my sisters would copy what I do. I did everything I could to make my parents happy. Well mannered? Okay, you got it. Smart? I got into a good university. High achievements? I won several competitions.
There was no room for mistakes, and so when I did, I had a complete meltdown because I felt like a failure.
If anything, anything I did in the past was all for my parents’ happiness.
At some point in my life, I just know that I couldn’t do it anymore. I want to be vulnerable too, I’m weak, and imperfect just like everybody else.
If I have a toxic trait, then that would be showing people that I’m vulnerable. I just can’t seem to show other people my imperfections.
I felt most helpless when I made a mistake, even the smallest one because I’m a perfectionist. However now, I slowly become kinder to myself and give myself room to make mistakes. I have weaknesses too, and it is normal.
More importantly, It’s okay to ask for help if you really need to. But you should also see the person. Is he a good person that is willing to help you? Or is he just wanting to hang out without knowing your hardships?
If this article resonates with you, I just wish that you can find what you really want to do with your life apart from being the first daughter of the family. I hope you find your own happiness, and allow yourself to be imperfect just like me.
To every first daughter of the family, you are strong and invincible! Please remember to always be kind to yourself first and foremost. It’s your life, so own it.
Avrantsa is a 20s lady who recently started writing on Medium. Currently, she still exploring different niche on her writings. Her hobbies include reading books (fiction and non-fiction), watching Korean drama and movies, playing guitar, editing videos, and cooking.
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