Dear Men- It’s Not My Problem If You Can’t Handle My Strong Voice And Intelligence.
Men find me intimidating and harsh, oh well
Dear men,
My name is Egypt, and most of you probably will not like me. Because I’m a woman with a voice and a brain, and I plan to use them both.
No, I won’t laugh if I find your joke boring, and non-amusing. Perhaps that will force you to creatively come up with actually funny jokes, rather than half-baked commentary.
I won’t entertain the generalized denigration of other women. I won’t also embrace my “feminity” by being a soft and passive opinion-less wallflower, to boost your ego. My thoughts aren’t unimportant and deserve to be aired just as much as yours.
I won’t push up my chest, lengthen my neck, or deliver a suggestive gaze at you, to command your attention. Sorry, but my flirting isn’t cheap, and I don’t offer it to just any random man for free.
I won’t be called a gold digger because I expect some financial attention from a man courting me. You desire my looks, well I want your money. If you approach me with a transactional, objectivist mindset, then I’ll return in kind. If you approach me with true openness, curiosity, love and respect that’s another thing.
But let’s face it, many men out there want everything from a woman, with a desire to give the least back possible. I’m not being used as a fool. My instincts are sharp. If you’re not financially stable don’t expect me to advertise my looks for your taking for free.
I won’t value your hobbies and interests above mine. And I definitely won’t watch the weekend sports game with you. I have zero interest in this and will make it known to you. I don’t force you to come to my yoga class, so don’t expect me to care about your chosen sport.
I’ll also make it known early on that I’m a feminist, and stand for the empowerment of women and people everywhere. I desire to live in a world where no one is subjugated because of their sex, or anything else for that matter. If you can’t handle this, then go find a male-centered woman who will put up with you. Because I sure in hell won’t.
I won’t also entertain talks of marriage, last name changing, submissiveness, and other silly nonsense about the ideal direction a relationship should go. Each relationship is different, and I have my beliefs. They are founded upon respect, care, and positivity.
And if you think I’m one of those women who will be cleaning and picking up after you endlessly, then you have another thing coming. Nope, I won’t, and if you can’t cook and clean up after yourself as a grown adult man, then don’t you dare think I’ll be in a relationship with you as your free maid. Nope.
If you question my intelligence unduly to take me down a peg, you’d better be ready for an intellectual wrestling match. Because I don’t back down easily. I have two doctorates and other higher education qualifications. I’m not going to pretend I’m dumb, to make you feel smart. If you want to feel smart I’d suggest reading more books, engaging in more intellectual and cultural pursuits, etc.
Nope, I don’t wear makeup, or wear my hair in a certain style to appeal to you. I wear it that way because I like it. And I think it flatters me or expresses how I feel that day. I’m not even considering you in the equation. Stop policing the way I present myself to the world. Not everything about a woman’s life is about you.
If you ask me on a date, and expect me to split the bill, then you’d better expect never to see me again. Please don’t ask for dates when you simply can’t afford them. I can take myself on a date. It’s simple politeness that If you ask a lady on a date, you pay. Otherwise, stop asking. Or find a low self-esteem woman who doesn’t know her worth and will put up with this behavior.
If you judge my parental style, especially if you have no kids of your own (heck even if you do!), rest assured I’ll pay no notice to it. Because they’re my kids and you simply don’t have a say. Remember just because we’re dating doesn’t mean I want a second father for my kids. Keep your opinions to yourself. Or make your own kids to be lord and commander over. Thank you.
I also have a brain, that I’ve been nurturing through books, podcasts, seminars, conversations, documentaries etc. And I value enriching challenging conversations. If all you have to say to me is to offer compliments on my looks or other shallow discussions, then you’re simply wasting my time and my life. If the last time you cracked a book open was over a year ago. Then forget pursuing anything with me, let alone a relationship.
If you’re reading this, thinking my gosh this is harsh. Who would ever want to be with a woman like me? Then you’re right. It is harsh. My stance has been encouraged by how I was previously used, abused, manipulated and belittled by men, who simply weren’t worth my time of day.
I might consider a partner who is emotionally sound, self-aware, and has a desire to be a genuine loving and respectful human being. Who doesn’t see a woman as an accessory to use, a tool for his pleasuring, or a glorified maid, and free therapist? Yes, I might consider entertaining you in my life if you genuinely desire a healthy and mutually sovereign relationship.
But until that happens, you can be sure I won’t tolerate any nonsense from any man. Because I’m truly one of those women who simply enjoy my own company in peace and with low drama. No relationship is ever worth being in a state of hell.
And lastly, I value my deep friendships, sometimes just as much as I value any romantic relationship. So if you think I’ll give up my friends over you, you have another thing coming. Men and dating will never be the center of my existence. Life is too rich, and giving, to focus on just one experience. I love romantic love, but I also love life too.
Because the thing is, as a society, women are subconsciously taught to squash their intelligence and kill their voices. They are groomed to kiss their self-worth goodbye and lower their boundaries to appeal to men. This is horseshit in my opinion. And I won’t be a human carpet for any man to walk upon. I have a voice and a mind, and you can be damn sure I will use it.
Now before you say “Well not all men are like this”, yeah yeah I know that. But in my experience, it’s most men who operate in this twisted way, and I’m not ready to give the benefit of the doubt to any man.
I hope you now have a better insight into how I think, and I hope you will take this letter seriously before you approach me in any way. It will save both of us a lot of stress.
Sincerely,
Egypt
If you can resonate with this essay feel free to share your thoughts in the comments
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