Finding Love After 40
Why I’m glad I waited this long
I met my partner about five years ago; at the time, he was dating one of my friends, and I was seeing one of his. We were polite and friendly with each other, would say hi if our paths crossed, but I think I speak for both of us when I say there was no big spark there.
We remained friendly over the years, even after the relationships we were each in fell apart, but that’s about it.
So it was unexpected when I bumped into him in July of last year, and immediately thought, shit, there you are. What took you so long?
I am a creature of impulse, however, without much need to analyze my wants or desires, so I just went with the flow.
We started hanging out almost daily right off the jump. My man is a red head, and oddly enough, I’ve always had a thing for red heads, since I was a kid.
I am a heroin addict, now just a few days from being six months clean from it, but when we began seeing each other I was still using several times a day, intravenously.
My partner, on the other hand, does not do heroin. Can’t stand it in fact, and can’t stand the type of people that are usually associated with it.
When we started seeing each other, I expressed my desire to quit. I’d been saying that for about three or four years at that point, but he just took me at face value that it was something I was ready to put behind me.
I last used heroin on October 3rd, 2021. The realization hit me that I could continue to shoot dope or I could continue to see him, but I couldn’t continue to do both.
I chose him. And I continue to do so, every day.
Our relationship isn’t perfect.
I’m self-absorbed and sometimes emotionally unavailable. He’s never wrong, and resists admitting it if he is.
I’m chronically disorganized, and lack structure. He’s anal and likes everything in it’s place.
I am too giving to people that would take advantage of me, while I feel like he lacks tolerance for people sometimes.
Despite all this, or perhaps because of it, we are still making it work. In areas where I fall short, he takes up the slack.
In situations that call for more than he can give, I am the one who does what needs to be done. I let his strength carry my load when my back boughs, and he does the same. This is what love looks like on the back end.
It’s full of compromise, patience, understanding, humor, acceptance and tongue biting. And we still manage to find the time to chase each other around the house naked a few times a week. This isn’t the first time I’ve been in love in my life, but it is the most rewarding, and while it may not be the first, it’s definitely going to be the last.
