I Am Not the Chaos. I Am the Filter

Reclaiming boundaries, clarity, and peace in a world that mistakes emotional labor for weakness.

Photo by Kevin Erdvig on Unsplash

There comes a point when you stop asking, “Is it me?” and start recognizing your strength in choosing what (and who) no longer serves you.

For a long time, I thought I was the problem — the “common denominator of chaos,” the one who “couldn’t keep help,” who “changed her mind too much.”

But now I see clearly:

I am not the chaos. I am the filter.

I am the boundary that others struggle to accept. And that’s not a weakness — it’s a form of wisdom.

Recently, I had to let go of someone I’d trained and nurtured to help care for my home and my child. She lied, withdrew emotionally, disrespected boundaries, and subtly manipulated situations to paint me as the problem.

I felt myself breaking under the emotional weight, trying to hold things together. But when I confronted the situation, set a clear boundary, and asked her to leave — I panicked.

I feared regret. I feared being that woman who couldn’t manage help. I feared I was too impulsive, too emotional, too difficult.